Why You Feel More Exhausted Than Ever: The Weight of Expectation and Pressure We Feel as ADHD Women
My book, The ADHD Women's Wellbeing Toolkit, is OUT!
You're not alone in sensing the overwhelming pressures women face today, especially those of us navigating the complexities of ADHD and perimenopause. In today's episode, both Adele Wimsett and I are feeling the weight of societal expectations and the exhaustion that comes with trying to balance it all. To celebrate the release of my new book, today's episode features a powerful discussion with my friend Adele Wimsett, exploring why so many women feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and disconnected from themselves.
While the feminist movement opened important doors, it also encouraged many of us to succeed within systems built by and for men. Systems which are shaped by patriarchal values that don’t consider the cyclical nature of women’s bodies. The pressure to constantly do, achieve, and keep up has left many of us burnt out, especially those navigating ADHD and the hormonal shifts of perimenopause.
Adele is a Women’s Hormone Health Practitioner who specialises in the powerful link between ADHD and hormonal health. Adele has dedicated her work to helping women and girls reconnect with their cycles and honour their rhythms, blending science with holistic tools to support women from menarche to menopause.
What You'll Learn:
- The impact of societal pressures on women leading to deep exhaustion and overwhelm.
- The impact of the feminist movement, the shift to more masculine characteristics and the pressure to ignore our cyclical nature.
- How historic patriarchal structures have evolved into the modern exhaustion we see today in women.
- The lack of support in modern work structures for women’s health, especially during hormonal changes like perimenopause.
- Capitalism's reliance on women’s insecurities and how to break free to find your inner calm.
- Progesterone's role in calming our nervous system, the treatments available and natural ways to support it.
- The role of stress management and caring for your adrenals to support wellbeing.
- Understanding what fulfils you, and what can be stripped back to find clarity.
- How to set compassionate boundaries, protect your energy, and gently prevent burnout.
Timestamps:
- 02:14 - Why You're Feeling the Weight of the World's Expectations
- 15:31 - Acknowledging the Female Mental Load of Family Life and Work
- 20:17 - Navigating the Challenges of Perimenopause
- 27:29 - Exploring Hormonal Health Solutions
- 35:05 - Setting Boundaries to Protect Your Energy in Perimenopause
Links and Resources:
- Join the Waitlist for my new ADHD community-first membership launching in September! Get exclusive founding offers here.
- Discover my popular ADHD webinars and resources on my website here.
- Follow the podcast on Instagram: @adhd_womenswellbeing_pod
- Contact Adele via her website.
- Download our free workshop on ADHD and progesterone here
Kate Moryoussef is a women's ADHD lifestyle and wellbeing coach and EFT practitioner who helps overwhelmed and unfulfilled women newly diagnosed with ADHD find more calm, balance, hope, health, compassion, creativity, and clarity.
Transcript
Welcome to the ADHD Women's Wellbeing Podcast.
Speaker A:I'm Kate Moore Youssef and I'm a wellbeing and lifestyle coach, EFT practitioner, mum to four kids and passionate about helping more women to understand and accept their amazing ADHD brains.
Speaker A:After speaking to many women just like me and probably you, I know there is a need for more health and lifestyle support for women newly diagnosed with adhd.
Speaker A:In these conversations, you'll learn from insightful guests, hear new findings and discover powerful perspectives and lifestyle tools to enable you to live your most fulfilled, calm and purposeful life wherever you are on your ADHD journey.
Speaker A:Here's today's episode.
Speaker A:Hi, welcome back to yet another episode of the ADHD Women's Wellbeing Podcast.
Speaker A:And today is super, super special day.
Speaker A:It's the 17th of July and it is officially my book launch day here in the uk.
Speaker A:It's coming out in America in a few weeks and I think it's already out in Australia.
Speaker A:But I am just so, so grateful.
Speaker A:I just wanted to just take this opportunity to say thank you, thank you to everybody who has messaged, who has told me that they've ordered the book.
Speaker A:The book's arriving.
Speaker A:I'm genuinely just so happy to get this book into the hands of so many people who need it, who need to have that physical toolkit to, to help them through their day, their week, their month.
Speaker A:So thank you.
Speaker A:The book is available in audio format as an audiobook.
Speaker A:Head to your local bookstores, it should be there.
Speaker A:Head online, go to my website ADHD womenswellbeing.co.uk you can find it all there.
Speaker A:And today on the podcast, I'm so happy to welcome back my good friend Adele Whimset.
Speaker A:She is also a book contributors as well.
Speaker A:And we are here for kind of like a bit of a catch up and I just felt like it was really a relevant conversation to have because we are talking a lot about this chaotic world we're finding ourselves in with all these deep dark expectations and the weight of living undiagnosed, but also the weight of the world right now.
Speaker A:As a woman, understanding ourselves, getting the advocacy that we deserve, the health care that we deserve, the support, all of that.
Speaker A:We're in a middle of a, I would say probably a tidal wave of change and as a woman we are caught up in this wave and sometimes it feels like we've got our head above water, we can breathe, and sometimes it feels quite the opposite.
Speaker A:So you'll hear in today's conversation that we really do go into all sorts of things.
Speaker A:Now, just in case you don't know who Adele is, she's been on the podcast before we talk about hormones, we talked a lot about progesterone.
Speaker A:And she is a women's health and hormone practitioner and cyclical living guide.
Speaker A:And she's co authored a book called Feminine Wisdom.
Speaker A:And she is very passionate about educating women on how to harness their power.
Speaker A:And she has a very, very busy clinic.
Speaker A:I know that's lots of people try and book in with her because of her neuroaffirming way of working.
Speaker A:She really understands ADHD in women like no one else I've worked with before.
Speaker A:So this is our conversation.
Speaker A:It's super passionate and I really hope that alongside this conversation and of course, my book, you're able to marry all these topics and see, I guess, what's coming up for you.
Speaker A:And I promise you, we leave you with some solutions as well.
Speaker A:So here is my conversation with Adele.
Speaker A:I wonder, Adele, you've just come back from a pilgrimage in the south of France, and I know that you've come with new wisdom and new insights.
Speaker A:And we were saying how women are feeling exhausted, we're feeling broken, we're feeling drained, we're feeling done.
Speaker A:And I have this in my.
Speaker A:With my clients.
Speaker A:What's this telling us?
Speaker A:Like, what?
Speaker A:Finally, like, I know women have been crumbling for many, many years, but it almost feels like this is.
Speaker A:We're at new depths of exhaustion.
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker B:And I think we have to take this back to looking at what has woman's story been over the last 5,000 years of patriarchy?
Speaker B:The feminine representation has been completely eroded.
Speaker B:And it is said that the way we're treating the earth is representative of how we treat the feminine in our society societies.
Speaker B:But to bring it to much more modern history, if we look back at how the feminist movement in the 70s, you know, very rightly they pushed for us to have economic independence because that's where women got their power.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:We had to go to work so that we could be financially free to have choice in our life.
Speaker B:We didn't have to stay in the abusive relationships, you know, we could have this choice.
Speaker B:So they very rightly campaigned and pushed for those rights for us.
Speaker B:But for me, in my personal opinion, is the challenge with that is that the way that we became more equality was to be in our masculine at the cost of our feminine values and at the cost of honoring our body and our uniqueness in our hormone system and our ebb and flow throughout the month.
Speaker B:We had to be very masculine to get to the top, to be respected in the corporate world, you know, we had to climb up by taking on these masculine attributes of what success looks like.
Speaker B:And I believe that we are now in a phase where we are the first generation of women to, to be educated like we are and to have access to career progression like we have and to have access to money like we have and the freedom of choice with how we spend that.
Speaker B:And I truly believe that we.
Speaker B:This has burnt us out because the 9 to 5 does not support the female system, the female endocrine system.
Speaker B:It burns us out.
Speaker B:And particularly we know this, we're more prone to this as ADHD women, but all women are affected by this.
Speaker B:And I had a client earlier on and she said, you know, everything changed when the BlackBerry was introduced at work before you went home after work and you were non contactable.
Speaker B:Soon as that comes in, you're expected to reply to the email that was sent at 20 past 7 at night.
Speaker B:And if you haven't replied to it by 9 o' clock in the morning, why haven't you done it?
Speaker B:So we kind of had this continuation of never really being off and this expectation of what a good employee looked like to be on all the time.
Speaker B:That is not the way of a woman's body.
Speaker B:A woman ebbs and flows and yet we've ignored this.
Speaker B:We've shut our cycle down with contraceptives, you know, and this gives us this consistency, powering through, but at what cost?
Speaker B:And we're not set up in the corporate world to really honor pregnancy, menopause, postnatal, all these hormonal shifts that men just don't have to go through.
Speaker B:So we have to push ourselves through when actually maybe the body needs to rest and slow down.
Speaker B:Or we adapt our work schedule to suit where we are in our cycle when we're menstruating in our 20s and 30s.
Speaker B:But no one's taught us to do, do this.
Speaker B:So we go in and going and going and going and then we hit a wall.
Speaker B:And for the first time we are now seeing more women leaving the workplace than ever.
Speaker B:And I believe it's because of this.
Speaker B:I believe it is because we have been the ones that for decades have worked through this.
Speaker B:We're now reaching, a lot of us are now reaching that perimenopausal season of our life.
Speaker B:And we're knackered, we're exhausted and there's nothing in the tank.
Speaker B:So we start seeing this flare up of things like anxiety, that inner critic gets really loud.
Speaker B:We might be stood In a boardroom full of men and suddenly the brain fog kicks in and we can't what we were talking about.
Speaker B:So our confidence arose, our self assertiveness arose, our belief in ourselves.
Speaker B:And so we leave all that knowledge, all that experience leaves the workplace.
Speaker B:You know, for me, that is the lens through which I'm seeing what is happening to women.
Speaker A:Yeah, I think that is so profoundly poor.
Speaker A:It's because I totally resonate with all of that.
Speaker A:We are, you're right, we are the first generation.
Speaker A:We don't know what we're doing.
Speaker A:You know, we've not, we haven't got role models, you know, to look back on and go, yeah, that's how they did it and that's how they raised a family.
Speaker A:And then, and they had these fulfilling careers because it's not, it's not possible, it's not possible to do it all, to blend it without something giving.
Speaker A:And that's what it always feels like.
Speaker A:I was talking to my husband about this this week while I was having many, many different kind of emotional meltdowns where I was just like, well, how am I meant to do this?
Speaker A:Like I said, I don't know how I'm meant to do this.
Speaker A:I don't know how I'm meant to carry on doing what I'm doing and have balance and feel well and do this, all the stuff I want with the children and have some form of fulfillment for myself, like adventure.
Speaker A:I said, I'm about to be 45, I've never done anything for myself.
Speaker A:My everyone else's needs have come before mine.
Speaker A:And I know this is like, I'm not this, you know, everyone is, is feeling like this.
Speaker A:Every woman is like, it's okay.
Speaker B:Yeah, just because, just because it's not common normalized it, it's not normal.
Speaker A:But when we have these eruptions, that's a sign, isn't it?
Speaker B:It's a sign we are not meant to be doing it all.
Speaker B:We are meant to be raising our children in a tribe.
Speaker B:We haven't got that.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:We're not having that there.
Speaker B:And then we're bringing, seeing this explosion in neurodiversity in children.
Speaker B:So at the same time as we're parent reparenting ourselves whilst parents and our children, a lot of us feel like we're cycle breakers and starting new cycles, we look at having this under the understanding of trauma and looking at our own stuff whilst trying to trauma prevent our own children meet their neurodiverse needs, meet our neurodiverse needs and pay the bills.
Speaker B:It's a lot.
Speaker B:Of course we're not coping.
Speaker B:I mean, we are coping.
Speaker B:A lot of us are coping, but why are we not thriving?
Speaker B:And this is because of these pressures, this pressure cooker.
Speaker B:Like you said.
Speaker B:I was in the south of France last week.
Speaker B:I spent the week frolicking around in the mountains, in and out of these sacred lakes, having the most fabulous time.
Speaker B:I felt so in my body, so in my body, I stepped off that plane in full regulation.
Speaker B:So much peace inside of me.
Speaker B:Within 48 hours of being back, my head is spinning off.
Speaker B:And I said those exact words to my husband, I cannot do this.
Speaker B:But it doesn't have to be like this.
Speaker B:But I don't know what the option is.
Speaker B:Go live in the mountains of France.
Speaker B:You know, that seems to be like this escape where this world hasn't touched it.
Speaker B:And it gave me such powerful reflection because we shouldn't be living like this.
Speaker B:And our bodies are telling us, you know, look at women's cycles with progesterone deficiency.
Speaker B:We're not ovulating as frequently as we were.
Speaker B:We're seeing fertility rise, all of these hormonal reproductive issues, because I believe we're living in a way that our physiology is a mismatch to the environment we're in.
Speaker B:We've got an evolutionary issue here that the environment we are living in, our bodies are not evolved and designed to exist in.
Speaker B:Because of how quickly everything's changed, we.
Speaker B:And our nervous systems are frazzled and fried.
Speaker B:Particularly for those of us with adhd, our nervous systems are on all the time.
Speaker B:We walk in a room, we know who likes us, who doesn't like us, what the energy is, what's going on.
Speaker B:That is a nervous system that is on all the time.
Speaker B:But I think we need to acknowledge it and start having these conversations to say, so women aren't gaslighting themselves.
Speaker B:They're not being gaslit brothers.
Speaker B:They're not thinking, they're failing.
Speaker B:It's just too much.
Speaker B:It's an untenable expectation on us.
Speaker A:Yeah, And I think you're right, it is.
Speaker A:First of all, it's validating just to hear a conversation like this and for it to be out there and to say, you know, it's all very well, you see, you know, our videos, your videos on Instagram, everyone looks like they're coping on the exterior, but when you hear the vulnerabilities and you hear, yes, we are holding lots for our family members and children and responsibilities, and there's still this sort of burden of the patriarchy breathing down our necks, telling us that we need to be doing more.
Speaker A:And I do think that the talking and the communication, even now, this conversation with you, I'm thinking there must be something that we can do.
Speaker A:And the first thing that comes to mind and something that I always talk about with my clients is like, okay, what can we strip back?
Speaker A:What can we simplify?
Speaker A:Where can we find clarity and what is important for now and know that it's okay to pull back from certain things.
Speaker A:The problem is, for women mostly, the stripping back often comes at our own expense.
Speaker B:So for me, it's that I get that image of the exhaustion funnel, right when my energy is good and everything's flowing.
Speaker B:We're doing the yoga, we're seeing the friends, we're tending and befriending, which is the female nervous system, okay?
Speaker B:That's how we regulate with other women.
Speaker B:Being in connection, being in community.
Speaker B:We're doing those things now.
Speaker B:Then something spins in.
Speaker B:Life starts to get more pressured.
Speaker B:Okay, Pressure's going up at work, more complex needs with our children, hormone shifting, more stress.
Speaker B:What are the first things to go?
Speaker B:Those things that hold us and regulate us because they're easy.
Speaker B:It's easy.
Speaker B:And that's where we go.
Speaker B:I'm not going to go to yoga this week.
Speaker B:I'm not.
Speaker B:I'm going to cancel going out to see that friend for coffee.
Speaker B:This feeds this exhaustion funnel because actually they're the things that help us to regulate.
Speaker B:They help to feed our cup.
Speaker B:But when it feels like the vice is on, there's no capacity for that.
Speaker B:So we just go into this descent, further and further into this exhaustion funnel, where quite often we can go into paralysis where we just.
Speaker B:I literally can't.
Speaker B:I can't do anymore.
Speaker B:And I hear you around.
Speaker B:What can we strip back?
Speaker B:Because I think we kind of always doing that dance as I.
Speaker B:We've gone, we met the edge, the burnouts looming.
Speaker B:You know, we need to step back.
Speaker B:What can go.
Speaker B:I think it's just acknowledging and validating the experience that women are holding so much, so much responsibility.
Speaker B:The things you spoke about, Kate, the beliefs and the narratives about what makes us a good woman.
Speaker B:ADHD women are full of this, you know, because of how we've masked.
Speaker B:We've abandoned so, so many parts of ourselves in order to please and be accepted and not have that RSD triggered.
Speaker B:Please accept me in the tribe.
Speaker B:And we abandon these parts of ourselves.
Speaker B:And for me, perimenopause is like a reclamation of that, you know, bringing these things back, looking, what are my values?
Speaker B:Who is aligned to me.
Speaker B:What is my truth?
Speaker B:This is the perimenopause journey for me from a spiritual perspective.
Speaker B:And this is all going on, you know, it's a lot.
Speaker B:And then you got to remember to take your supplements.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:You'Ve got to remember to take your supplements, breathe, go for a walk, do yoga.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Journal.
Speaker B:It's a lot.
Speaker A:Yeah, it really is a lot.
Speaker A:And what you were saying then, we've got this evolutionary mismatch of this feeling like someone's like just fast forwarded it straight into the future.
Speaker A: ime, we're still stuck in the: Speaker A:We're still stuck in this time where it is the women that are holding and supporting and shouldering everything.
Speaker A:It is the men that have more freedom and are able to walk in through the door and sit down.
Speaker A:And on the whole, I'm not, you know, generalizing, food will be on the table because their busy wife has worked, picked the kids up, made dinner, done a rota, been on the WhatsApp groups.
Speaker B:For the art females.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:And then what happened to me last night was did all of that.
Speaker A:My kids then went off and it was 9 o' clock and I went back on my laptop just to make sure because I'd finished.
Speaker A:I picked up my daughter at like 4.
Speaker A:So between 4 and 7 I was doing all mum stuff.
Speaker A:Then we had dinner and I realized I hadn't finished my working day.
Speaker A:And my husband sat on the couch watching the football.
Speaker A:And that's not his fault.
Speaker A:He'd finished his working day.
Speaker A:And he does help me.
Speaker A:But this is what we're navigating.
Speaker B:There's a couple of things I want to speak to there.
Speaker B:One is, let's be very real.
Speaker B:This is not about man attacking.
Speaker B:This is about acknowledging the weight of the load women carry.
Speaker B:Men and women generally are both holding the financial load.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Women generally hold most of the domestic load still, but men are getting better at that.
Speaker B:But usually with the wife becoming a bit like a mother role.
Speaker B:Has this been done?
Speaker B:This needs to be done and managing it.
Speaker B:So that's not sexy.
Speaker B:Mother child dynamic between husband and wife is not sexy.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So that's affecting relationships.
Speaker B:But women also hold the emotional load, the mental load and the invisible load, all the things that make life happen.
Speaker B:And men I don't see generally holding that.
Speaker B:So we have this weight.
Speaker B:And this was actually a conversation I've had with my husband recently where he's like, but I don't know what to do about that.
Speaker B:And I said, well, how would you feel if I say you do 100% of the domestic tasks?
Speaker B:And he went silent.
Speaker B:Well that doesn't feel fair.
Speaker B:I said, well, there we go.
Speaker B:I said, because I'm not lifting a finger at home now.
Speaker B:You are doing everything domestic.
Speaker B:And he's taken it and run with it and done it and it has these things.
Speaker B:But there's still the enormity of this mental load, particularly when you're a neurodivergent women trying to remember everything and not forget all the things, that's even more stressful.
Speaker B:So I think there's something about really acknowledging the enormity of what women are actually holding in comparison to our male counterparts.
Speaker B:It's just a truth and a fact.
Speaker B:It's not a outrageous feminine thing to say.
Speaker B:It's just the truth for the majority of women.
Speaker B:The second element to this is that as a generation of women, and I'm talking about perimenopausal women, because that's mostly my community and myself, we are a generation of women who have spent decades doing the work on ourselves, okay?
Speaker B:We've had this awareness about our own childhood, our trauma, self development.
Speaker B:We are the generation that's read every single self help book on the planet.
Speaker B:You know, we've done this work.
Speaker B:But I haven't seen the same happening for men.
Speaker B:So what is.
Speaker B:Because they have had the privilege of patriarchy, of a very deep instilled belief that they are enough, whereas women have not had that.
Speaker B:Whether it's through beauty, whether it's through body weight, whether what it is, women are constantly, from the minute they're born, bombarded with not enoughness.
Speaker B:So we're constantly looking for improvement.
Speaker B:We've got to be better.
Speaker B:And I think ADHD women do this excessively.
Speaker B:How can I improve?
Speaker B:What's the solution?
Speaker B:What's the answer?
Speaker B:So then what happens is we land in perimenopause where our hormones are declining, so we're losing our yes, people pleasing hormone estrogen.
Speaker B:And we're looking at our male counterparts who have done no self development, no work.
Speaker B:And we're going, what is this?
Speaker B:What is happening here?
Speaker B:This isn't okay and this isn't good enough.
Speaker B:So I think there's something so many layers to what is going on for women at the moment and everyone kind of holding some kind of identity and expectation.
Speaker B:And most women are too busy to even think about it, quite frankly, you know, in survival mode.
Speaker B:Get through the day, another day, done.
Speaker B:You know, I remember for me, before I started my progesterone About a year ago yesterday, I had a day where I was back to back to back to back to back.
Speaker B:And then I ran a workshop in the evening.
Speaker B:It was a long day and I loved it.
Speaker B:I loved all the women I got to see speak to.
Speaker B:I was genuinely thriving and I had the best time.
Speaker B:But had that been a year ago before I started with progesterone, I would have woken up with that impending sense of doom.
Speaker B:How am I going to get through the day?
Speaker B:Anxious, strap myself in, just get through it.
Speaker B:Everything would have been like get through it.
Speaker B:And I'd have just been on my knees by the end of the day.
Speaker B:So that for me having this comparison is how vital optimizing our hormones is to surviving this.
Speaker B:Because when we're stressed we are burning through that mood stabilizing nervous system regulating hormone progesterone.
Speaker B:And that's really important.
Speaker A:Yeah, I think it's so vital that we talk about the blend of all of this.
Speaker A:That there's so many different layers to what we're experiencing, what we're feeling.
Speaker A:And I'm going to speak to the perimenopausal women as well because that's typically my audience as well where they're noticing this kind of like volcano slowly bubbling and eventually there will be an eruption and it's trying to navigate that but understand what's causing it.
Speaker A:And sometimes it can be like you say the men life or the partner who is not up to scratch from a self development or they've not done their own healing or they've not understood what's going on in their partner's world.
Speaker A:They've not understood the weight that they're carrying.
Speaker A:Everything that you just discussed then, and then we get, we're going at it from a biological perspective as well of like what is going on, like what we depleting, what do we need more of and how we can blend that together because none of it's going to be perfect.
Speaker A:But I also think it's quite an exciting time.
Speaker A:It's very exciting chapter because when we burn things to the ground or we feel like we want to kind of strip everything back, we're working with new foundations, we're working with new layers and we're ready for change.
Speaker A:And I had a client yesterday, a new client that's coming to work with me and she just kept saying to me, I'm just ready, I'm ready.
Speaker A:I just don't know what it is I'm ready for.
Speaker A:But I just want to want something to be different.
Speaker A:And I said to her, you know, it's amazing that you've come to me because I have so many clients that don't even know that they're ready, and they don't even know that they want change.
Speaker A:And you're already like five steps ahead, because even though you don't know what's in front of you, you're trusting that whatever's been going on, you're not subscribing that to that anymore.
Speaker A:And I think that's an exciting time.
Speaker A:Even though it feels incredibly difficult.
Speaker B:I feel like it's a rebirth of the feminine right now.
Speaker B:I feel like.
Speaker B:And again, I.
Speaker B:On a very.
Speaker B:What I would call 3D kind of play, looking at the realities of our lives is, again, we are a generation of women in perimenopause, where we are educated, we have power to a degree in terms of financial freedom in some ways, you know, for lots of us to be able, if we had to make choices that maybe our grandmothers couldn't have made.
Speaker B:So there is this, like, we are a generation of quite powerful women in a way that's never been seen before.
Speaker B:Okay, so there are women who are willing to step out and advocate on behalf of other women where we probably would have been burned a couple of hundred years ago.
Speaker B:You know, there is this shift.
Speaker B:We have a lot of privilege to use our voice in most platforms and in most ways to be able to bring knowledge to women and empower women with knowledge.
Speaker B:So the more knowledge we have, the more informed we can be about the choices we make.
Speaker B:So I do think there's a collective shift in what we're going to tolerate and what we're not.
Speaker B:But I think the challenge for us is we are the generation that are sitting in the mess and the crumbling of it.
Speaker B:Like, I firmly believe that the education system is crumbling.
Speaker B:It's not fit for purpose, and it's definitely not fit for our neurosparkly children.
Speaker B:It's not going to exist in 10 years the way that it does now.
Speaker B:It's not sustainable.
Speaker B:Same with the healthcare system, same with the public sectors.
Speaker B:They're bursting at the scenes.
Speaker B:Everything is crumbling around us.
Speaker B:And so for me, that feels really exciting.
Speaker B:As you said, it's a lot for us to hold, but if we can try and see it through that lens of what is happening, let it happen.
Speaker B:We don't want to look at, how do we fix it?
Speaker B:How do we, you know, how do we make this work?
Speaker B:There's a surrender and acceptance for me, that comes and going.
Speaker B:It doesn't work.
Speaker B:So therefore, let's get on this path of the new change.
Speaker B:Let's be the embodied feminine leaders carving out a new path.
Speaker B:And it is down to us to stand in our truth as women and embody the new way, whatever that is, and to just say, don't let it go, let it go that way.
Speaker B:But here, here you are safe.
Speaker B:Here you are seen.
Speaker B:Here we will meet your needs, whatever that is that your particular purpose might be.
Speaker B:That's how I see it.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And I think what you say about the medical system right now, I definitely see that as well.
Speaker A:And you know, previous conversation about progesterone, that totally was like, I mean, our posts have been taken down on Instagram.
Speaker A:That's how big it was.
Speaker B:We are not the only ones who've had posts removed.
Speaker B:And when it comes to progesterone, and it has been said by some of the world leads in progesterone that there is a war on progesterone.
Speaker B:Because a small number of people look to lose a lot of money if women come off synthetic progestins and come off SSRIs, anti anxiety medication, antidepressants, because we've known for decades that progesterone treats those conditions.
Speaker B:But you can't patent progesterone.
Speaker B:There's no money in it.
Speaker B:So women not being well is big business.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:We thrive, sadly, in a world capitalism thrives off women never thinking they have enough or they are enough.
Speaker B:So we're constantly spending this money to make ourselves look better, to make ourselves feel better, to see how we can grow if we.
Speaker B:Every woman went, I am absolutely 100 enough, just as I am now.
Speaker B:Capitalism crumble, we wouldn't buy anything, right?
Speaker B:So no one wants us to believe we're enough because it wouldn't exist.
Speaker B:So we have to look at it from the broader, bigger picture.
Speaker B:Who is it who really wants us to be well?
Speaker B:And for me, it's not in these outdated constructs.
Speaker B:It is in a different world that women are being called to in droves.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And I think going back to the conversation about progesterone and reading people's comments, reading the messages and getting the emails that I got of, why has no one told me this before?
Speaker A:And it was just this sort of education across all these women that just presumed, okay, the doctor told me this is what should go on, and that's mood regulator and that's a hormone stabilizer and all of this.
Speaker A:But it just didn't make them feel good.
Speaker A:But they didn't think that there Was any other option.
Speaker A:I mean, I go back and maybe I'm repeating myself from our last conversation, but I still don't understand.
Speaker A:When a woman comes in and she suffered with PMDD and she suff with mood related sort of depression to do with her hormones, adhd, and when we know that progesterone can be very helpful to stabilize our nervous system, help with sleep, anxiety, all of that, why this isn't an option and it goes straight to the SSRI or the antidepressants that there's just no conversation around that.
Speaker A:And is that is.
Speaker A:Are you saying this is because there's no money in it?
Speaker B:That's absolutely my truth, 100%.
Speaker B:There is no other reason.
Speaker B:We have known this information for decades.
Speaker B:Dr. Katarina Dalton in the 60s was treating women with PMDD with body identical progesterone in very, very high doses.
Speaker B:She was treating it successfully for decades.
Speaker B:That work was there.
Speaker B:Carol Peton has continued this work.
Speaker B:Dr. Phyllis Brunson has written a book on using body identical hormones to address mood and emotional regulation.
Speaker B:We know this, we know this information but they don't want it to be mainstream.
Speaker A:So this is, this is why I get so worked up and I realize that we, we have to keep doing this because I've seen, I've used it myself, I've now got a cream as well.
Speaker A:And on your recommendation I just put a little bit on when I just feel like I need it and I notice always that it helps me.
Speaker A:And the fact that this isn't easily available.
Speaker A:None of this information is easily available.
Speaker A:And the same where we're not.
Speaker A:Women aren't getting a more specialized approach.
Speaker A:They're not getting specialized care to say, right, well, let's try a little bit more, let's tweak that, let's up it a little bit, let's see how you tolerate it.
Speaker A:And it's, it's just, there's just too many women suffering.
Speaker A:There's too many women suffering with their mental health with low mood, feeling completely frazzled and not sleeping and not their best selves.
Speaker A:And it can be prevented in some capacity.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:There'll be other options, other things as well.
Speaker A:It's not just that.
Speaker A:No, but that is what is making me have this conversation with you again.
Speaker A:And I know that women again are going to come after this conversation, say what can I do?
Speaker A:My GP's not listening.
Speaker A:How can I help myself?
Speaker A:How can I support myself?
Speaker A:Where can I take matters into my own hands?
Speaker A:And I know you don't have a magic bullet for This I know, but what can women do if they really do want to start saying I don't want, I want to come off this medication and I do want to try progesterone, body identical progesterone to help me with my PMDD or my postnatal depression or just feeling better in myself, as you know, my hormones start fluctuating.
Speaker B:So let's go back to what is available on the nhs.
Speaker B:On the nhs, orally you are not going to get any more than 200.
Speaker B:And to give you a comparison, in our clinic we tend everything's very individ, individualized and bespoke and looking at what's going on for you.
Speaker B:But we tend to look at starting women on 300.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:That would be our lowest dose.
Speaker B:So even the lowest dose is not available.
Speaker B:Lower doses of progesterone can actually cause more problems in terms of mood.
Speaker B:And I won't go into why, but it can do.
Speaker B:But what you can get on the NHS if you suffer with PMDD is up to 800mg of cyclogest, which is a vaginal body identical progesterone.
Speaker B:Now most of your doctors might be aware of that.
Speaker B:You'll have to go armed with that information, but you can have that there.
Speaker B:Okay, so that's quite a high dose, which is, can be really supportive for some women.
Speaker B:So that's what is available through traditional Rose.
Speaker B:Outside of that there is over the counter progesterone creams which can be really supportive for women.
Speaker B:They are usually much lower doses than anything you'd get on a prescription.
Speaker B:But for some women they're enough.
Speaker B:And that's the kind of thing that can just help take the edge off of things.
Speaker B:If it's something like pmt, for example, and these are available from companies like, like Onas, Pura, Wellsprings.
Speaker B:What I would say is they tend to go out of stock very quickly.
Speaker B:There is a massive.
Speaker B:Everyone wants this now because they're feeling the experiences, they kind of come into stock and go again.
Speaker B:But they are available the other side, unfortunately.
Speaker B:And this is where it gets my go again around the class element of being able to access healthcare and you would have to go down a private route.
Speaker B:So our clinic, we look at all different types of progesterone.
Speaker B:We have, have creams, we have lozenges, we have all types because the vehicle of delivery is really important.
Speaker B:We need to look at what that individual woman does in terms of how she processes progesterone because that can have a big impact.
Speaker B:So for me it is really about getting the right support, being really informed.
Speaker B:I've got free webinars on my website that you can listen to the international leads on progesterone.
Speaker B:They're amazing.
Speaker B:Carol Peterson, Dr. Phyllis Bronson.
Speaker B:They're incredible.
Speaker B:They're the work they've done and the information and knowledge they have, have.
Speaker B:So you can look there.
Speaker B:So that's from a progesterone perspective.
Speaker B:But for me, there's something around the lifestyle.
Speaker B:We want to be optimizing our own progesterone production.
Speaker B:And this is where I think it probably merges everything we've been speaking about together.
Speaker B:Kate.
Speaker B:Because what should happen in perimenopause is that as our ovaries slow down hormone production, our adrenals pick up and they produce enough estrogen and progesterone to keep us feeling well.
Speaker B:But because of as we've already spoken about, we're crash landing into perimenopause with exhausted adrenals.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:It's called the HPA axis.
Speaker B:It used to be called adrenal fatigue.
Speaker B:So as a generation, our adrenals are getting to peretopause where they're barely staying on top of their cortisol production.
Speaker B:So the ovaries knock on their door and say, can you take over Eastern and progesterone?
Speaker B:The adrenals are like, forget about it.
Speaker B:I am barely staying on top of this production.
Speaker B:And this is the priority because cortisol keeps you alive.
Speaker B:So we are not getting that product.
Speaker B:Natural production of the hormones that maybe our grandmothers had the privilege of receiving.
Speaker B:So therefore, this is where the replenishment comes in.
Speaker B:But what we want to be doing, perimenopause is an adrenal function issue.
Speaker B:It's not your ovaries.
Speaker B:Your ovaries are doing exactly what they're meant to be doing.
Speaker B:The issue is the adrenals are no longer, because of this evolutionary mismatch, able to pick up the imbalance and start producing the hormones to keep you well.
Speaker B:So nervous system support and adrenal function, that's where you want to be focusing.
Speaker B:And that doesn't necessarily mean I've got to cut all this stress out my life.
Speaker B:That's the hardest part of stress management.
Speaker B:People think, well, you know, or they go, I'm not stressed.
Speaker B:I would argue that ADHD women's nervous systems operate in a perpetual state of stress.
Speaker B:We're just desensitized to it.
Speaker B:If a neurotypical was in our body, they'd probably think they're having a panic attack, you know, So I honestly think we have much more sensitivity here.
Speaker B:But it can be things like, make sure you regulate your blood sugar.
Speaker B:If your blood sugar is dysregulated and it's all over the place, it's going to stress your adrenals out.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:So it doesn't have to be about, oh, I've got to do all these external things.
Speaker B:It can be.
Speaker B:Look, let me just have a couple of boiled eggs and a bit of smoked salmon for breakfast instead of a piece of toast.
Speaker B:You know, you're still having breakfast anyway.
Speaker B:Just switch it up.
Speaker B:So it's honoring your body.
Speaker B:And when those.
Speaker B:When that blood sugar is regulated, it takes the adrenals down a notch.
Speaker B:Just take a minute now to just stop whatever you're doing.
Speaker B:Take a breath and ask yourself, what do I need right now?
Speaker B:How do I feel?
Speaker B:How do I feel?
Speaker B:Am I thirsty?
Speaker B:Am I hungry?
Speaker B:Am I really annoyed at my husband from this morning?
Speaker B:Check in with how you feel and then ask yourself, how do I meet this need in an empowered way?
Speaker B:Before I go onto my next call, I need to go and have a glass of water and something to eat.
Speaker B:You know, I need to phone my husband and tell him he's upset me.
Speaker B:This.
Speaker B:Just check it.
Speaker B:It's these little things.
Speaker B:It's not these big, complex protocols.
Speaker B:We need to weave in ways that make our body feel safe.
Speaker B:And I would argue again that most neurodivergent women don't know what that feels like, because from a very young age, we haven't felt safe.
Speaker B:Rejection, sensitivity, dysphoria, acceptance, being included in the pack, not getting something wrong, the mask falling off.
Speaker B:We've got a lot of work to do.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And put being parented by undiagnosed neurodivergent people, that would have been at least one of our parents, you know, neurodivergent.
Speaker A:There would have been childhood trauma, all sorts of things.
Speaker A:And I think you're right.
Speaker A:A lot of it, we just hold.
Speaker A:We carry on.
Speaker A:We work in this sort of fight or flight, hyper vigilant nervous system, and we don't even know what's different.
Speaker A:I think what's amazing about us, again, it does lead to this adrenal fatigue, is that we are doers.
Speaker A:We've got so much vision.
Speaker A:We're ambitious.
Speaker A:We are the ones that commit to, like, seeing something through.
Speaker A:But what I've realized for myself, but also from a lot of the women I work with, is that prioritizing this decompression time, this time to nurture ourselves and honor ourselves is the only way to do whatever we want to do.
Speaker A:Because my.
Speaker A:Actually, my husband said today something.
Speaker A:He said, I want to see you fulfilled, not overfilled.
Speaker A:And he knows how much it means to me to, to feel fulfilled, but he's seeing me overfilled.
Speaker A:And I said to him, I don't want to be like this anymore.
Speaker A:I want to be able to do what I do and enjoy what I love and be fulfilled.
Speaker A:But I need to learn what that balance is for me now as my hormones are changing as I'm in this season.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Because the version of me five years ago is not the version of me today.
Speaker A:And the version of me in five years maybe different.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:And, and we'll, we'll.
Speaker A:We'll see.
Speaker A:But it's so important that we, like you say, we just take that pause.
Speaker B:And this is the season of perimenopause is the shedding.
Speaker B:What do you know, the values you had in your 20s may not be congruent with the ones that you have now.
Speaker B:What does matter to you right now?
Speaker B:You know, I could work.
Speaker B:I could run my clinic five days a week, nine to five and be fully booked.
Speaker B:I could do that.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:I would have done that in my 20s.
Speaker B:I'd have been bang, bang, bang.
Speaker B:I absolutely refuse to work like that, that in this season of my life because I don't have the physiology to support it.
Speaker B:And I will end up burning out.
Speaker B:I will hate what I do.
Speaker B:I like, literally, that's what will happen.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So I have to be mindful of that.
Speaker B:I have a waiting list and that.
Speaker B:I hate that because I want to help all these women.
Speaker B:So I'm like, what other solutions are there?
Speaker B:So I'm creating different offerings and different things to go out to help as many women as possible.
Speaker B:Because what I want to do is go, oh, just put more clinic hours on and I'll get them in.
Speaker B:But within two months, I'm going to hate it.
Speaker B:I'm not going to want to speak to anyone, not going to want to see anyone that's not serving anybody.
Speaker B:So we have to.
Speaker B:Perimenopause is this season of boundaries.
Speaker B:Getting these boundaries in place where it's like, I'm really sorry, but I just can't do anything about that, you know, because we will burn ourselves out.
Speaker B:No one's going to put that boundary in for us.
Speaker A:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker A:I think I might leave it there because that was a really, really intense but actually very thought provoking conversation.
Speaker A:And I think I've just got a feeling that a lot of women are going to be nodding, listening to this, going, oh my God, yes.
Speaker A:Because sometimes we need this language.
Speaker A:We need to be able to hear someone articulate this because we might be feeling very overwhelmed and burnt out and exhausted, but not quite sure what it is that's tipping us over.
Speaker A:And from this conversation, it's lots of little things.
Speaker A:And now it's the time for us to put these boundaries in place and know that it's okay, that we're not gonna people aren't gonna hate us and that the people pleasing may not need to be there anymore because our well being needs to be a priority and we want to carry on doing what we do, but we just have to do it within some kind of constraints that feel good to us right now.
Speaker A:So I just want to thank you so much, Adele.
Speaker A:I don't even want to give people your email address because I want to help you.
Speaker B:I've got different offerings coming, everybody, so it's fine.
Speaker A:Tell people how they can work with you.
Speaker B:Okay, so my website is harmonizeu.co.uk and you're very welcome to email me.
Speaker B:Adele, harmonize you.co.uk there's lots of resources on my website.
Speaker B:You know, there's webinars, there's downloads, there's podcasts.
Speaker B:There's so much information there that even if you feel like actually I'm not ready to work with somebody, there's lots of information there that will be supportive.
Speaker B:And you can sign up to my mailing list so when my new offerings are coming out, you can have access to those.
Speaker A:Amazing.
Speaker A:And I will always put those in the show notes.
Speaker A:But thank you so much, Adele.
Speaker A:Always love you on the podcast and we'll speak very soon.
Speaker B:Thanks, Kate.
Speaker A:If this episode has been helpful for you and you're looking for more tools and more guidance, my brand new book, the ADHD Women's well Being Toolkit is out now.
Speaker A:You can find it wherever you buy your books from.
Speaker A:You can also check out the audiobook if you do prefer to listen to me.
Speaker A:I have narrated it all myself.
Speaker A:Thank you so much for being here and I will see you for the next episode.
