Finding Calm: A Guide to Emotional Regulation at Home
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This week's episode:
If you've ever wanted to scream into a pillow, shake out your whole body, or hide in the car just to feel something move through you, you are not broken. You are just finally listening to what your nervous system has been asking for all along.
On this week's episode of The ADHD Women's Wellbeing Podcast, I'm sharing a workshop I ran inside the More Yourself membership, where we go a little deeper into topics like this together, alongside guest experts and ongoing connection with other neurodivergent women.
This episode is all about regulation, both ours and our children's, and why the small, consistent tweaks matter so much more than any big overhaul. We talk about identifying what's quietly dysregulating us before we even notice it, why co-regulating with our kids starts with regulating ourselves first, and why so many of us, especially as women, were never taught how to safely let emotion move through our bodies. I share some of the somatic tools I lean on, including EFT, and a few honest, real-life examples of what this can look like in practice.
In this episode, we cover:
- Why self regulation always comes before co-regulating your children
- How to identify your own dysregulation triggers, from sleep and hydration to screen time
- Why small, consistent tweaks matter more than big overhauls
- How to talk to your child about big emotions once things have calmed down
- The hidden impact of constant phone notifications and micro-interruptions on your nervous system
- Why so many women have been conditioned to suppress their voice and emotions
- Using EFT and tapping as a release tool for emotional dysregulation
- Somatic ways to release stuck emotion, including shaking, dancing, singing and screaming
- Why giving your child a safe space to release big feelings matters
- The importance of self compassion and validating your own experience
Timestamps:
- 00:00 - Welcome, and introducing this week's More Yourself workshop episode
- 00:33 - What this episode covers: dysregulation, family dynamics and emotional release
- 02:21 - Today's episode begins
- 02:23 - Why regulating yourself comes first
- 03:30 - Working backwards to identify your own dysregulation triggers
- 04:30 - Co-regulating with your child once things have calmed down
- 05:30 - The impact of constant phone notifications on the nervous system
- 06:30 - Why women have been conditioned to suppress emotion
- 08:00 - Giving your child a safe space to release big feelings
- 09:30 - EFT, tapping and other somatic release tools
- 12:45 - Closing thoughts and where to find more support
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Kate Moryoussef is a women's ADHD lifestyle and wellbeing coach and EFT practitioner who helps overwhelmed and unfulfilled newly diagnosed women with ADHD find more calm, balance, hope, health, compassion, creativity, and clarity.
Transcript
Foreign.
Speaker A:Welcome back to a More Yourself episode here on a Monday and today I'm.
Speaker B:Sharing something that I think is really.
Speaker A:Really helpful and useful from a workshop.
Speaker B:That I did within the More Yourself.
Speaker A:Membership community, which is where we really.
Speaker B:Go into a bit more of a.
Speaker A:Deep dive about different topics with guest experts and workshops with myself and an opportunity just to get connect.
Speaker B:It's a really wonderful resource and we did a workshop where it was a.
Speaker A:Bit of a Q and A and.
Speaker B:I really wanted to share some of the reflections here on the podcast because I think they'll be so helpful.
Speaker B:And we had themes of managing our dysregulation and explosive emotions in both ourself and our children and also managing the family dynamic and emotional landscape in the house.
Speaker B:So we talk about self regulation and prioritizing our own regulation, finding our triggers, whether it is through sleep, food, hydration and to better co regulate our kids.
Speaker A:As well through all of this with.
Speaker B:You know, phones and devices and we go into things like small tweaks, nothing about big overhauls, just those small incremental changes and then having conversations once everything has calmed down.
Speaker B:And as always I always talk about self compassion, those small steps, and how we can use EFT as a release tool for helping sort of bring down the the charge, bring down the emotional dysregulation and finding those more safer, healthier emotional releases through more somatic modalities like dancing or singing or screaming or shaking, running, chanting, whatever that might be.
Speaker B:So I really, really hope that this episode helps you validate yourself, gives you some ideas about releasing those very charged emotions and moving through them as well.
Speaker B:So we're not staying stuck stuck in those difficult moments.
Speaker B:So I really hope that today's episode is helpful and as always I do love hearing from you and remember that I do have lots of resources on my website.
Speaker B:So if you do want to go further into EFT or tapping or emotional regulation or really leaning into our self trust and helping to sort of calm and regulate ourselves, I have lots of.
Speaker A:Different workshops all on my website, which.
Speaker B:Is ADHD womenswellbeing.co.uk Here's today's episode.
Speaker B:I always say with our children it is very, very important that we look after ourselves first and then we're able to then manage, regulate however you want to look at it.
Speaker B:Our children, especially if they're in some form of dysregulation meltdown, we need to be the ones that feel kind of calm and regulated and that's really hard to do when we are maybe feeling overwhelmed, burnt out exhausted.
Speaker B:So what I would say to you is, let's start with your own dysregulation and see almost like work backwards, what contributes to it?
Speaker B:Are you able to notice what that might be?
Speaker B:Is it because you're not getting enough sleep?
Speaker B:What's contributing to the lack of sleep?
Speaker B:It can often be we've been on our phones all day and our nervous system is so hyped up, or we've been on email, or we've just been on all day.
Speaker B:And then when we get home and we have children that are very like needy who have also been on all day, it's kind of like a bit of a clash of nervous systems.
Speaker B:So I would have a little think about what is causing yourself to feel dysregulated and could that be.
Speaker B:Honestly, it's like working backwards.
Speaker B:Was it too much caffeine, not being hydrated?
Speaker B:Is it not moving your body enough?
Speaker B:Have you gone outside?
Speaker B:Have you had any fresh air?
Speaker B:Have you checked your phone from the beginning?
Speaker B:You know, you woke up first thing and you've just been scrolling and then it's just been do, do, do, do consistently through the day where you've not even had a minute to breathe, you've not had a minute to yourself.
Speaker B:And when we can work backwards for ourself, then we're able to settle and ground and calm ourselves in really small ways.
Speaker B:Whether that is standing outside, taking some breaths, whether it's walking around the block, drinking another glass of water, making sure that you're having protein in the morning, first thing, you're having a good breakfast.
Speaker B:It's all these little tiny tweaks.
Speaker B:It's never just one big thing and it's never just one big, I'm just going to do this one big thing and everything's going to be fine.
Speaker B:It is always little tweaks and then identifying your child's regulation and that can often be your child needs to co regulate with you.
Speaker B:So if you're in a regulated state, you're then able to maybe when they're having something to eat, or maybe when they're a little bit more chilled, you're able to say, you know, I noticed that you were feeling a little bit het up before.
Speaker B:I noticed that you were feeling angry or frustrated or whatever that might be.
Speaker B:And now that you've calmed down a little bit, do you have an idea of what that might be?
Speaker B:Because in the moment they're not going to know.
Speaker B:But it might have been, someone might have said something to me at school, it might have made a comment, or they may have felt left out or work is feeling overwhelming or a teacher said something to them that really kind of like triggered them and it's kind of like breaking it down.
Speaker B:Because sometimes when you're neurodivergent, it's just the compounded effect.
Speaker B:We might not know.
Speaker B:And I really do believe that technology, social media, being on our phones is a massive element of feeling dysregulated and not knowing why we're feeling dysregulated.
Speaker B:I was with a friend for a couple of days this week and she has an Apple Watch.
Speaker B:She had a phone away.
Speaker B:She was trying to, like, you know, disconnect a little bit.
Speaker B:Her Apple watch was just beeping the whole time.
Speaker B:And I said to her, like, does that not drive you mad that you constantly, like being interrupted and you're doing something?
Speaker B:She was in the middle of a conversation or she'd be having dinner or.
Speaker B:And it would just be like a ping or it would be a WhatsApp message or it would just be something.
Speaker B:And those constant micro interruptions where she's got to reset herself and it would be like, oh, what was I talking about again?
Speaker B:Just that in itself.
Speaker B:And so she was like, oh, it's always on.
Speaker B:Like, I don't even notice it.
Speaker B:I was like, well, you must notice it because every two minutes there's a ping on your Apple watch.
Speaker B:So actually that kind of conversation made her more aware.
Speaker B:It gave her more awareness as to what, what perhaps was like dysregulating her on a micro level, which then contributes to a macro level.
Speaker B:And I think many of us have been taught as women that we need to repress and push down and behave and not be whatever it might be, too sensitive, too loud to anything, too emotional.
Speaker B:And so we have been conditioned just to suppress and push down.
Speaker B:And so it's an acknowledgement of that and a recognition of perhaps what is the, the trigger to that, but also allowing yourself moments or times or pockets of time where you are able to release those emotions.
Speaker B:It's not exactly the same as this, but I was talking to someone the other day whose daughter has ADHD and she is only about eight, I want to say seven or eight.
Speaker B:And she sometimes says to her mum, I just want to shout in the air, like loads of swear words, and I just want to scream and shout because she's been sat in school all day, been told to sit still, not be disruptive and stop calling out all of that micro, micro criticisms where she's just been told, just stop being a nuisance.
Speaker B:Stop being a bother.
Speaker B:And so thankfully her mum, she said, right, here's what I'd suggest, go upstairs to your bedroom, shut the door and go and shout all the things that you want to shout, Go and scream, go and run around your room and, you know, as long as she's not hurting herself or doing anything, but it's giving her that allowance, it's giving her that opportunity or go outside in the garden, do and do that, go and shout and scream and jump up and down and no one's going to stop you.
Speaker B:And you are allowed to express yourself, you're allowed to release this emotion.
Speaker B:So again, it's coming back to yourself and saying, you are allowed, you give yourself full permission, but hopefully in a way that is not in a, in a way that's going to hurt.
Speaker B:Hurt you, harm you.
Speaker B:But whether that is, again, with women, we have like a throat chakra issue where we are closed.
Speaker B:We're not allowed to say what we want, say what we mean.
Speaker B:We've been stifled and repressed and sometimes we just need to go and scream in a car, we need to go and shout in a.
Speaker B:In the woods.
Speaker B:We almost have to teach ourselves to release our emotions.
Speaker B:We've not been taught.
Speaker B:I went recently to like a retreat and we worked solely on our throat chakra.
Speaker B:So it was through humming, clearing, chanting, breath work and it was opening up, allowing ourselves to use our voice and not be afraid of our voice, not be afraid of the repercussions if we, we say what we feel.
Speaker B:And, and again, I say all the time, as women, through the generations, it's been systemic, it's been conditioned to keep quiet, stiff up a lip, whatever that might be.
Speaker B:And it's a re, it's a relearning.
Speaker B:So just give yourself a lot of love and compassion for that, but allow yourself places, safe places to go, Let it out.
Speaker B:This is, this is what, you know, women, women used to do.
Speaker B:We've just been deconditioned and then it comes out in another way and it comes out in unhealthy ways, whether it's addiction, disordered eating, abusive situations in different capacities, self criticism, imposter syndrome, illness, the list goes on.
Speaker B:The most important thing is releasing every day, and that is I go back to EFT all the time because for me that's the most powerful modality, because I can just tap and talk and I will feel that release.
Speaker B:I'll feel it, I'll feel the tears, I'll feel the yawning, even yawning is a release.
Speaker B:Don't ever underestimate.
Speaker B:You know, someone said to me you can, if you can create like almost make yourself yawn a few like three times, that in itself is a release.
Speaker B:But also things like singing, joining a choir, just singing out loud in the car.
Speaker B:Sometimes if I'm really, I like turn the music really high and I'll like sing but I'll almost actively try and activate the throat like here so it's like a deeper so you can really feel that throat chakra opening up.
Speaker B:But also like oming so you can go onto YouTube and you know, find some chance, yoga, Buddhist, whatever that, that works for you and use, and use that.
Speaker B:But physical release, running, dancing, shaking.
Speaker B:Shaking is a really, really good one where you literally just stand and you jump up and down and you shake.
Speaker B:That dispels quite a bit of stuck energy as well.
Speaker B:Everyone gets stuck energy and sometimes it can come out in, in trickier ways as well.
Speaker B:But there's nothing, there's no shame in that.
Speaker B:I don't know if anyone's been to the.
Speaker B:I've seen that they have these like smash rooms where you go and you literally go and you like break things.
Speaker B:It's a bit extreme but you know, it feels at best it's quite cathartic.
Speaker B:You just go throw loads of plates and it's all like in a, in a safe space.
Speaker B:But I don't know how many, how many opportunities there are in different cities for that.
Speaker B:I'm going to reflect back on what I've been hearing a little bit and just allow yourself to process what you are going through and validate yourself because we'll never get the same validation that from someone else that we need.
Speaker B:So just giving yourself that self compassion that perhaps no one else is giving, you can settle and ground and calm your nervous system as well.
Speaker A:Thank you for being here and listening to today's episode.
Speaker A:I just want to remind you that if you are looking for more support on your ADHD journey, there are so many resources waiting for you over@adhdwomenswellbeing.co.uk so inside the ADHD Women's Wellbeing Workshop library, you'll find practical and compassionate guidance on topics such as nervous system regulation, rejection, sensitive dysphoria, perfectionism, emotional regulation, hormones, parenting and so much more.
Speaker A:All designed specifically for late diagnosed neurodivergent women.
Speaker A:You can also explore my new book, the ADHD Women's Wellbeing Toolkit, which was published by dk, which is also available in ebook and audiobook, which is packed full of tools to help you feel calmer, more regulated and more like yourself.
Speaker A:And if you don't do crave a bit more deeper connection and ongoing support.
Speaker A:Come and join us inside the More Yourself community.
Speaker A:It's a gentle space for learning, reflection and connection with other neurodivergent women.
Speaker A:And you'll also find the recordings from our first ever ADHD Women's Wellbeing Live event, which brought together incredible speakers and a room full of inspiring women for a truly special day.
Speaker A:We have recorded it all for you, and it's there to buy, so whether you're just starting your journey or looking to go deeper, there's something there for every stage.
Speaker A:Just head to ADHD womenswellbeing.co.uk to explore everything.
Speaker A:And as always, thank you so much for being here and for being part of this community.
