Fun, Failures and F**k Ups - Do what you LOVE and want to WORK hard for with Andrea McDowell
When we finally understand how our ADHD can help us to succeed, we can lean into it. But it can feel so challenging when we're in the dark and have no idea why we keep hitting the same obstacles.
We discuss this on today's ADHD Women's Wellbeing Podcast with guest Andrea McDowell, who also says it sometimes involves winging it and pivoting, even when we're terrified we may fail. Andrea believes in saying yes, winging it and finding the team to help!
After closing her original business, Andrea poured her heart and soul into her garden to support her mental well-being and give her something to focus on during this time. This eventually became her next venture, Dahlia Beach—a Plant Your Own Flower Garden based in Oxfordshire.
During today's ADHD Women's Wellbeing Podcast episode, I chat with the inspiring Andrea all about:
- Being a multi-passionate ADHD entrepreneur
- Seeing gaps in the market
- Owning our failures, why we shouldn't be afraid to fail and accepting the mistakes we make
- Following our dreams with ADHD and harnessing our ADHD traits
- Being a maverick and staying true to our convictions
- Using hyper-focus to flourish and being brave in our choices
- Discovering ADHD and Perimenopause
- Using HRT to help her perimenopause symptoms
- Admin breakdowns in business and finding people to help fill the gaps
- Creating an ADHD-friendly business
Look at some of Kate's ADHD workshops and free resources here.
Kate Moryoussef is a women’s ADHD Lifestyle & Wellbeing coach and EFT practitioner who helps overwhelmed and unfulfilled newly diagnosed ADHD women find more calm, balance, hope, health, compassion, creativity, and clarity.
Follow the podcast on Instagram here.
Follow Kate on Instagram here.
Find Kate's resources on ADDitude magazine here.
Mentioned in this episode:
Transcript
Hi everyone.
Speaker A:Welcome back to another episode of the ADHD Women's Wellbeing Wisdom episodes on a Sunday.
Speaker A:And today I'm sharing with you a clip from Andrea McDowell.
Speaker A:Now, Andrea is Dahlia beach on Instagram.
Speaker A:You might know her, she's amazing at doing reels.
Speaker A:She talks about her ADHD all the time.
Speaker A:And she, it was just like a ball of fantastic, open, honest energy about how she runs her business, how she decided that she wanted to have a change and all the failures and the ups and the downs and the honesty of behind being an entrepreneur, running your own business and also leaning into your adhd.
Speaker A:I think I remember when I first released it, so many of you messaged to say what a sort of eye opening, a relatable and vulnerable episode it was.
Speaker A:And so I'm sharing with you today, you know, 15 minutes of it and I really hope that you enjoy it.
Speaker A:Here it is.
Speaker B:I knew that to get recognized in the industry I would need to.
Speaker B:They'd moved Chelsea Flower show, which is Normally in its 110 year history, in May, and they moved it to September.
Speaker B:And I knew that that was going to be by once in a lifetime opportunity to create a display at the world's best flower show in September.
Speaker B:It would never be.
Speaker B:And that's when my flowers are in flower.
Speaker B:My flowers don't flower in May, they only flower in September.
Speaker B:So I was like, this is it, John.
Speaker B:If I'm going to do this, I've got to get to Chelsea.
Speaker B:I was like a bit, you know, tunnel vision.
Speaker B:I don't know if other people will identify with that, but I was like, that's what I've got to do.
Speaker B:And people were like, you've, you don't, you have never done this before.
Speaker B:Like the RHS woman was like, it takes 10, you know, years and years.
Speaker B:I don't want to, you know, disappoint you.
Speaker B:I just trying to manage your expectations and because I felt a bit like eagle.
Speaker B:What's the guy?
Speaker B:Eddie the eagle.
Speaker A:Oh, I love, yeah, fabulous.
Speaker A:The flower version takes years and years.
Speaker B:To build up to Chelsea.
Speaker B:I was like, I haven't got years and years.
Speaker B:You're never gonna run it in September again.
Speaker B:Please, please let me exhibit.
Speaker B:And I wouldn't go again.
Speaker B:I wouldn't go away.
Speaker B:And they said in the end, right, we've come back with a compromise.
Speaker B:You've got no track record.
Speaker B:You are a bit of a maverick by your own admission.
Speaker B:You can go out this summer, prove yourself by winning two gold medals at two shows.
Speaker B:We will consider Letting you in, I was like, right, how hard can that be?
Speaker B:Google wedding gold award winning medal Gardens and I went and won a gold Blenheim palace flower show and I got highly commended at Hampton Court and then they eventually let me in and then I won Generals award at Chelsea, which is like literally the stuff that James are made of.
Speaker A:So I mean, this is why I invited you onto the podcast because you know, you are a visionary, but your hyper focus and your, I mean, you said maverick and I said that is the word I've been looking for is this ADHD brain that basically just goes, you know what?
Speaker A:I can do this.
Speaker A:And then we put aside all our fears and worries and we go into kind of hyper focus mode.
Speaker A:We go into that kind of like place where we just like our energy, our creativity, our vision, our imagination, everything just takes us.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And that is why we see so many incredible successful entrepreneurs with adhd.
Speaker A:And the reason why they're so successful is because they're leading with their heart, their creativity, their passion, their energy.
Speaker A:And so when people say, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to, you know, be successful with adhd, it's like put everything aside for all the conditioning, all the fear, all the shoulds, and just go into that, like, what's your niche?
Speaker A:Like, what do you love?
Speaker A:Like, it doesn't matter how weird and wacky that is.
Speaker A:It doesn't matter about qualifications or certificates or experience.
Speaker A:It just shows that you went in with that.
Speaker A:You, you were led with your energy, you had a vision and you were, you were really strong with your convictions, that you knew that you had what it takes.
Speaker A:And I just wanted land for everybody that's listening right now, because we don't live in sort of like this cloud cuckoo land.
Speaker A:Like, you've put in a huge amount of time, hard work, energy, money.
Speaker A:You've put things on the line, perhaps, you know, like weekends, family time, relationships.
Speaker A:I understand that this has not just been plain sailing for you, but you have just kept going, one foot in front of the other.
Speaker A:And that is when we start seeing like the difference, that disparity between those entrepreneurs that make it and keep going and the resilience clearly that you've got as well.
Speaker A:And I just love the fact that you were convincing people from all these, like, establishments, you know, and you're like, no, no, no, I can do it.
Speaker A:And it's almost like you knew that you needed to prove them wrong and that kind of spurred you on even more.
Speaker B:I definitely am guilty of underestimating how long and how much work goes into things.
Speaker B:And I.
Speaker B:And at that point, I hadn't.
Speaker B:I'd only.
Speaker B:I've only really sort of just started exploring ADHD since January and we're in June.
Speaker B:So all of the run up to that, I hadn't.
Speaker B:I didn't even have an awareness of adhd, of what it was.
Speaker B:So that sometimes meant I was a bit hypercritical of myself when things didn't go wrong.
Speaker B:And now that I learn, and I've learned a lot more about ADHD and how that manifests itself in me, I'm kind of leaning in.
Speaker B:I'm like, going, yeah, go on, let's go.
Speaker B:That's crazy.
Speaker B:And I'm literally owning it.
Speaker B:I walk around like, yeah, I'm going to forget shit.
Speaker B:And I left the car door wide open this morning after dropping my kids at school.
Speaker B:Standard back wallet and my phone, everything was on the chair.
Speaker B:I was like, oh, well, yeah, yeah, I survived.
Speaker B:It's fine, no one's died.
Speaker B:It's all good.
Speaker A:I mean, I.
Speaker A:I can see, I mean, obviously that all the ADHD traits are coming, you know, I can see in different capacities, but also from what I can see with you, you have abundance of energy, abundance of ideas, constantly, like, changing and shifting and pivoting.
Speaker A:How do you manage that?
Speaker A:Clearly, there's a huge amount of passion.
Speaker A:But when you, on that, are on that precipice of burnout, when you, you are totally physically and mentally exhausted, but you know you've got a business to run, is there anything that you do to look after yourself?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:What awareness have you had of that in the past?
Speaker B:And I didn't have any awareness.
Speaker B:I would just go, I just keep, keep, keep, keep going.
Speaker B:And it was only when I hit perimenopause that the wheels started to fall off.
Speaker B:Why can I not do this and function anymore at this pace?
Speaker B:I think it's just a pace I have always worked at.
Speaker B:And so now when perimenopause, Perimenopause kicked in and it was about the time where it, like ADHD was starting to come a bit more prevalent in the.
Speaker B:In me, in the media and social media.
Speaker B:And I was getting a lot of people going, not being funny, but I think you got.
Speaker B:I'm like, what.
Speaker B:What makes you think that?
Speaker B:What was that?
Speaker B:Oh, no, what were you saying?
Speaker B:Sorry, you got adhd?
Speaker B:And I was like, what is that?
Speaker B:And then I started looking into.
Speaker B:And then I went to the doctors because I actually, I was getting anxiety.
Speaker B:I'd never had that before.
Speaker B:And like, And.
Speaker B:And it was weird because my best friend who I worked with in my previous business, she had suffered with anxiety her whole life.
Speaker B:And I coached her quite a lot.
Speaker B:We were such.
Speaker B:We were very, very good friends and best of friends.
Speaker B:And I couldn't relate.
Speaker B:I didn't get it.
Speaker B:I was like, what do you mean it's a physical?
Speaker B:She was like, it's like a backpack.
Speaker B:I'm carrying this.
Speaker B:It's like, weighs me down.
Speaker B:I feel it.
Speaker B:The moment when I wake up, I'm like, can't you just rebrand it?
Speaker B:Can't you just say it's like, excitement?
Speaker B:Or could we not repackage it as, like, nervous about something which will eventually be great?
Speaker B:She's like, it's not that.
Speaker B:And I was like, I don't get it.
Speaker B:Sorry.
Speaker B:Anyway, moving on.
Speaker B:And then I started to get it and I was like, oh, this feels like my legs are going to give way.
Speaker B:This feels like a physical central nervous system that is stopping me now.
Speaker B:And I felt overwhelmed.
Speaker B:And I've never felt that before.
Speaker B:Before I was just juggling and things would drop and I'd be like, carry on, carry on, carry on.
Speaker B:Never mind.
Speaker B:Keep going, keep going.
Speaker B:And then I was like.
Speaker B:And not even like, I was dropping balls.
Speaker B:I was just like, I can't anymore.
Speaker B:I'm literally like, ron's gone wrong out of that cartoon character.
Speaker B:Just malfunctioning.
Speaker B:So I went to the doctor's den and then HRT was a massive, massive game changer for me.
Speaker B:I actually went straight in.
Speaker B:I was like, I'm going mental.
Speaker B:Like, I think I have dementia and I cannot follow really simple tasks.
Speaker B:I'm really struggling with anxiety.
Speaker B:I feel like I'm going to vomit.
Speaker B:I got so.
Speaker B:I'm so overwhelmed.
Speaker B:Like, this has never happened before.
Speaker B:And people on Instagram are saying, I have adhd.
Speaker B:And she said the combination of perimenopause on top of a highly functioning ADHD brain, like, you're.
Speaker B:You won't.
Speaker B:Yeah, it's okay.
Speaker B:You're in a safe place.
Speaker A:You're not.
Speaker A:Amazing that you had a doctor who.
Speaker B:Understood it, but she was quite like a hippie lady.
Speaker B:She was quite like, hippie looking.
Speaker B:And I kind of like, she didn't look like a traditional.
Speaker B:Like, not that people have a traditional doctor look, but she was very women's health orientated.
Speaker B:I could tell.
Speaker A:Amazing.
Speaker B:And I just went straight.
Speaker B:I went in with this sort of energy, like, help me, shit.
Speaker B:I came out, I was like, oh, my gosh, I missed it.
Speaker B:My husband's like, did that go well?
Speaker B:I was like, I think so.
Speaker B:They've given me lots of gel.
Speaker B:I think it went well.
Speaker B:I've kind of come out with all the drugs that I thought I would need.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:But in going back to your question about overwhelm, I sometimes accept that it's just going to be the punishment I get from running level.
Speaker B:And so at Chelsea, May was mental, wasn't it?
Speaker B:So many bank holidays.
Speaker B:Then there was half term.
Speaker B:I had two, I had Morven Show, Chelsea Flower show.
Speaker B:Both a week long in different locations away from home, juggling staff accommodation, stock transport, a lot of admin.
Speaker B:I understand now that it's the admin, it's the straw that breaks the camel's back.
Speaker B:Risk assessment forms, security passes, paperwork of, you know, 12 page document on the address and the vehicle registration number and parking permits.
Speaker B:And I need an extra form for the lighting, another form for the carpeting and they have to be printed out and written on.
Speaker B:Then you send them back as a scanned document.
Speaker B:Then you have to.
Speaker B:They send you the invoice and then you have to pay the invoice within the time allocated.
Speaker B:I mean it like makes me vomit.
Speaker A:It's making me anxious even thinking about.
Speaker B:That, saying, yeah, I'm like, yeah, that, that.
Speaker B:And then being at Chelsea Flower show which is literally the best show in whole world and being mobbed, you know, from 8 until 8 it's open for 12 hours a day, six days and people are like.
Speaker A:You'Ve gone, you know, again utilizing this brain of like looking around.
Speaker A:You know, we can call it hyper vigilance but we can just also call it like you are seeing gaps, you are seeing place places where you can fill what's needed and you've gone into merch.
Speaker A:Now you are doing reels and Instagram master classes because your transferable skills.
Speaker A:But this, and the reason why I'm mentioning all of this is because I, I really want people to take inspiration from you because you've shown, you've shown that you don't have to stick to one lane.
Speaker A:Like you, you're doing flowers but you're doing jackets and you're doing Instagram workshops for people who want to be able to create the same social media following that you've got.
Speaker A:Like, we don't have to stick to this one cookie cutter formation.
Speaker A:And I think when we lean into that with our ADHD brains, we left to explore and get curious and get excitable.
Speaker A:Like you say like at the beginning, this puppy, that energy takes us to success.
Speaker A:It Takes us to abundance and fun.
Speaker A:And listen, life is about.
Speaker A:I always say this, like, there's so much hardship in life, there's so much difficulty and challenges that when we can find the fun in the work.
Speaker A:And you know, going back to what you said about your parents, that they just kind of decided, let's just try and live life in the sun, doing what we do best.
Speaker A:And we have been conditioned, I think, in this Western world to.
Speaker A:To think that's bad, to think that we're not going to succeed or like, who are we to do that?
Speaker A:But actually you're showing that people, we can have fun.
Speaker A:Yeah, there's hard work, there's grafting, but I can go into the merchandise and I can do like workshops and I can do flower shows, which people told me that I couldn't do.
Speaker A:And so when people are listening right now, I guess I want them to kind of maybe transfer what they're dreaming of, what their desires are.
Speaker A:Like, what.
Speaker A:What's that big goal or ambition that they keep telling themselves that they can't do or they don't have the skills for?
Speaker A:I mean, if you could speak to that version of yourself who.
Speaker A:Or maybe you were never that version, or maybe that person who is desperate to just lean into that more creative side and.
Speaker A:But they just don't.
Speaker A:There's so much fear there.
Speaker A:What would you say to them?
Speaker B:As soon as my business failed that first one, I removed all the element of fear of failure.
Speaker B:I was like, I have failed on the biggest possible level.
Speaker B:Like the point where I nearly lost my house, I lost my best friend, compromised our marriage like this.
Speaker B:I've been on the edge of that failure.
Speaker B:Nothing is going to scare me.
Speaker B:You can't do anything to me that is going to take me back there.
Speaker B:So what have I got to lose?
Speaker B:What have you got to lose?
Speaker B:You're always going to regret the chances that you didn't take.
Speaker B:And I'm quite open on Instagram about all the things I totally fuck up all the time.
Speaker B:Every day there are things.
Speaker B:And so when I launched my merchandise range, it's those ideas where I'm like, great.
Speaker B:I'm going to bring out outdoor cushions and aprons and napkins and tea towels and jackets and all the notepads and coasters, and it's going to look amazing.
Speaker B:And I literally, like, didn't have enough stock.
Speaker B:I pre ordered it.
Speaker B:People could buy it for pre order and I'd sold more than I had ordered, so people were waiting longer than expected.
Speaker B:And meanwhile, I'm at Chelsea with half the stock that should have been at the warehouse for processing for the website.
Speaker B:You know, I.
Speaker B:There are huge things that I get wrong, but.
Speaker B:But I really love.
Speaker B:Like, I take a lot of inspiration from Brene Brown.
Speaker B:And that's sudden, you know, just getting back up and getting back in the ring.
Speaker B:Like, I'm like a fighter.
Speaker B:Like, you can't keep a woman that's had everything crushed and then stop her from getting back up.
Speaker B:And, like, getting back up is the most empowering thing you can ever do to be that version of yourself where you.
Speaker B:You make yourself proud.
Speaker B:And I think that it just makes me so.
Speaker B:I'm so passionate about the fact that women just underestimate what they can achieve.
Speaker B:And we're sort of conditioned to be like, oh, equally.
Speaker B:I don't.
Speaker B:You know, people look at me.
Speaker B:I know.
Speaker B:And are like, this.
Speaker B:Watching you gives me anxiety.
Speaker B:But it's not for everybody.
Speaker B:It makes people stressed out sometimes.
Speaker B:But I was.
Speaker B:I didn't ever really care what other people's limits.
Speaker B:Limitations were on what they set on themselves.
Speaker B:So I didn't have any.
Speaker B:It was a bit like when you have a baby and they're like, make sure you take it really easy.
Speaker B:You're like, I don't want to take it really easy.
Speaker B:Be like, well done.
Speaker B:You put the wash on and you fed them and you've had a nap, and that's really good.
Speaker B:That should be enough for today.
Speaker B:I was like, that I'm gonna go and do a triathlon.
Speaker B:And I've been out and I bought a horse and I did all sorts of crazy things because I was like, I need.
Speaker B:I needed more.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:I think people are so scared of getting it wrong, and I'm getting it wrong every single day.
Speaker B:But the difference is, I don't care.
Speaker B:I'm going to learn.
Speaker B:And now that I've got.
Speaker B:Now I know so much about adhd, I'm kind of owning that failure and being like, is it any wonder that that happened?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:I forgot that my skill.
Speaker B:My son had a football tournament after school on a Wednesday, and the school rang me and we're like, you haven't dropped off his shin pads?
Speaker B:And we did send out a letter two weeks ago, and you did say then that you know, he would be attending and you haven't given him his kit.
Speaker B:And I'm happy.
Speaker B:I own it.
Speaker B:I'm like, I've got ADHD and my.
Speaker B:So is my husband.
Speaker B:So one of us will have filled in the form and then forgotten instantly.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker B:It's we don't except you should take any responsibility for that's us.
Speaker B:But I can react really quickly in moments that require me to be resilient, to come up with plan B, C, D, E, F, D right the way through to Z.
Speaker B:I've got an answer for everything because I've spent my whole life fucking it up and then trying to come up with answers.
Speaker B:So for people that take that so hard, breaks my heart to be people to think that always because I know good and it's because I and rubbish.
Speaker B:And I've got this brain that means I can't do that.
Speaker B:It's lie.
Speaker B:That's a lie and that's a neurons in your brain telling you a thing that's not true.
Speaker B:And that's why when that chapter closed for me for the wedding business, I was like, this is not going to be a story of misery and woe.
Speaker B:I am not a victim here.
Speaker B:I have an opportunity now to write a wicked next chapter.
Speaker B:Like the chapter that's going to be like, and she rose from the ashes like Phoenix.
Speaker B:Like, you know, right, you are like, what story are you going to tell yourself?
Speaker B:And that's why I love Instagram.
Speaker B:It's like a narrative, it's like a storytelling process.
Speaker B:And so when I'm 80, I'm going to look back and be like, yeah, girl, you like womaned up.
Speaker B:Like, never mind, like woman up and push yourself, get yourself out there, throw your hat in the ring, say, yeah, I will do it.
Speaker B:That's what Branson said.
Speaker B:Like, say yes.
Speaker B:Say yes.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:I'm gonna give that a go and then work out how to do it.
Speaker A:So I hope you enjoyed listening to this shorter episode of the ADHD Women's Wellbeing podcast.
Speaker A:I've called it the ADHD Women's Wellbeing Wisdom.
Speaker A:Because I believe there's so much wisdom in the guests that I have on and their insights.
Speaker A:So sometimes we just need that little bit of a reminder.
Speaker A:And I hope that has helped you today and look forward to seeing you back on the brand new episode on Thursday.
Speaker A:Have a good rest of your weekend.
