Accepting and learning to regulate our big emotions
This week’s guest is Dr Tamara Rosier, author of one of my favourite ADHD books, Your Brain's Not Broken.
Tamara has been a college administrator, a professor, a leadership consultant, a high school teacher, a national public speaker, and an ADHD coach. Through those adventures, Dr Rosier has developed valuable insight into ADHD and how it affects one’s life. As founder of the ADHD Center of West Michigan, she helps individuals, parents, and families develop an understanding and learn effective skills to live with ADHD effectively. Her book, Your Brain’s Not Broken, provides strategies for navigating the powerful big emotional aspect of ADHD in a healthy way.
During this week's episode, we spoke about
- Our big emotions, being embarrassed and the shame we have around our emotional regulation
- How to regulate our overwhelming emotions
- Prefrontal cortex 'butler' - how it calms and helps with sequencing
- Limbic centre being our anger, frustration controller
- 'Living on the grid' - four quadrants, solve it grid
- Burnout from constantly being in the red zone
- Making intentional choices to help our health and stress management. Such as diary management, delegating our butler tasks and borrowing people’s butler (neuro typical) brains
- Learning not to cram and live fueled by adrenaline and cortisol
- The importance of prioritising deep cleansing sleep
- Sleep is so important for our health - ADHD symptoms are exacerbated when we don't sleep enough.
- Learning to relax and transition from a busy day to downtime and sleep.
You can connect with Dr Rosier via her website, miadhd.com or her Instagram account.
The quadrant that Dr Rosier references within the episode.
Kate Moryoussef is a women’s ADHD Lifestyle & Wellbeing coach and EFT practitioner helping overwhelmed yet unfulfilled (many with ADHD like her) women find more calm, balance, health, compassion, creativity and clarity in their lives.
By using Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT/tapping) in her coaching practice, Kate guides more ADHD women to rediscover their inner voice, 'tap' into their expansive wisdom and potential, fulfil their desires and realise themselves outside of the overwhelm, inner pressure and family dynamic. She is also a mum to four children and will shortly be writing her first book!
To buy Kate's pre-recorded ADHD workshops click here
Have a read of Kate’s articles in ADDitude magazine here
https://www.coachingbykate.me.uk
Instagram: @kate_moryoussef
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Mentioned in this episode:
Transcript
Welcome to the ADHD Women's Wellbeing Podcast.
Kate Moore Youssef:I'm Kate Moore Youssef, your host and if you've arrived here, there must be a reason.
Kate Moore Youssef:I'm guessing you're curious to learn more about improving your well being alongside adhd or maybe looking for some advice or guidance to feel healthier and calmer.
Kate Moore Youssef:So why start this podcast?
Kate Moore Youssef:I'm a wellbeing and lifestyle coach, eft practitioner, mum to four kids and I discovered my own ADHD alongside one of my daughters at the age of 40.
Kate Moore Youssef:And now after supporting many other women just like me and probably you, I feel there's a need for more emphasis on well being and lifestyle help for women with adhd.
Kate Moore Youssef:And through the podcast I want to offer you new insights and perspectives to enable you to live your most fulfilled, calm and balanced life.
Kate Moore Youssef:So wherever you are on your ADHD journey, my aim is to support you in finding the awareness and the most aligned tools to enhance your well being so you can make the most intentional mindset and lifestyle choices moving forwards.
Kate Moore Youssef:Ready to get started?
Kate Moore Youssef:Here's the episode.
Kate Moore Youssef:Hi everyone.
Kate Moore Youssef:So before we get started on this week's episode, I wanted to let you know that finally the ADHD Women's well Being Collective is open.
Kate Moore Youssef:I've opened the doors, can go and join the membership.
Kate Moore Youssef:I am really, really excited for those of you who were on the exclusive waiting list that you'd put yourselves on.
Kate Moore Youssef:I've already got quite a few of you signed up.
Kate Moore Youssef:I'm so happy and I just wanted to let you know that this membership has been really carefully thought about.
Kate Moore Youssef:I'm going to be giving you exclusive content every single month that you won't be getting here on the podcast.
Kate Moore Youssef:This is going to be creating a community.
Kate Moore Youssef:I'm going to be giving you exclusive workshops, additional podcast episod Q A opportunities, bringing in some fantastic experts I've already got lined up for the next few months and really offering you what I can give you that isn't part of my one to one service.
Kate Moore Youssef:So if you have been listening to the podcast for a while, I'm not, you know, private coaching isn't quite for you, you're not able to do that, but you would like a more personal approach to helping you on your ADHD journey.
Kate Moore Youssef:The ADHD Women's Women's well Being Collective.
Kate Moore Youssef:The membership is going to be really good for you.
Kate Moore Youssef:I hope to be able to bring together a community.
Kate Moore Youssef:I hope to be able to answer lots of questions wherever you are in your ADHD journey so you could be waiting for assessment, waiting for that diagnosis but would love some practical spiritual coaching tools.
Kate Moore Youssef:Really be able to lean in to help yourself emotionally and from the well being side.
Kate Moore Youssef:So just head to my show notes or my website which is coachingbykate.me.uk.
Kate Moore Youssef:you'll see there on the homepage all the information to click through to join the membership.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I really hope that this will be a wonderful way of all connecting me, being able to guide you, teach you, support you on this journey so you can thrive with ADHD and actually believe that you are able to do things that you are enough and really lean into all the strengths that you may have struggled to find.
Kate Moore Youssef:So I really hope to see you there.
Kate Moore Youssef:And now here's the this week's episode.
Kate Moore Youssef:Welcome back to the ADHD Women's well Being podcast.
Kate Moore Youssef:Another week, another amazing guest and this lady I have been so looking forward to meeting and chatting to because her book has been on my desk for many weeks now.
Kate Moore Youssef:I refer to it all the time.
Kate Moore Youssef:And we have Dr.
Kate Moore Youssef:Tamra Rosier.
Kate Moore Youssef:Tamra is a well, has been a college administrator, a professor, a leadership consultant, a high school teacher, a national public speaker and now an ADHD coach.
Kate Moore Youssef:And what an amazing conglomeration of different roles there.
Kate Moore Youssef:And through these different adventures, Dr.
Kate Moore Youssef:Rosier has developed valuable insight into ADHD and how it affects one's life.
Kate Moore Youssef:And as the founder of the ADHD center of West Michigan, she leads a team of coaches, therapists and speech pathologists to help individuals, parents and families develop an understanding and learn effective skills to live with adhd.
Kate Moore Youssef:Her book, which is what I was just talking to you about, was your brain's Not Broken.
Kate Moore Youssef:And this provides strategies for navigating the powerful emotional aspects of adhd which I know I resonate with and all of my clients resonate with.
Kate Moore Youssef:So this book is, is very much needed and I urge anyone with an interest for self development to definitely have a read of it.
Kate Moore Youssef:So Tamara, thank you so much for joining me today and I can't, I actually just can't wait to dig in and just dive into all the, the topics because people can't see this.
Kate Moore Youssef:But the book has got probably about 10 different post it notes.
Kate Moore Youssef:I've got lots of underlinings because it's such an effective tool for helping me as a coach understand even more the ADHD emotional side and it gives me lots of practical strategies for both myself and my clients.
Kate Moore Youssef:So thank you.
Tamra Rosier:Oh I am so thrilled to be talking with you.
Tamra Rosier:So thanks for having me here today.
Kate Moore Youssef:Oh it's a Pleasure.
Kate Moore Youssef:So I know something that you're really passionate about is our big emotions, the emotional regulation side of adhd, where I don't think it's talked about enough when people.
Kate Moore Youssef:First of all, there's a stigma of adhd, of sort of concentration, focus, disorganization.
Kate Moore Youssef:But actually, from speaking to many clients of mine and myself and I see it in my family that losing our temper, keeping calm, keeping balanced, is actually really hard work with adhd.
Kate Moore Youssef:So why is this part of it so important to you as well?
Tamra Rosier:Well, emotional regulation isn't just when we lose our stuffings and get angry at a parking spot, or as my husband called today, he was driving in traffic and commenting on every car passing him.
Tamra Rosier:And, you know, that was.
Tamra Rosier:Even that little bit.
Tamra Rosier:He wasn't angry, but there was a lack of emotional regulation even as he was driving in traffic.
Tamra Rosier:By the way, I need to stop talking about my poor husband because I have adhd, too.
Tamra Rosier:I just like to pick on him because it's easier.
Tamra Rosier:Because, of course, emotional regulation is something we're constantly struggling with, and it's everywhere and every little nuance.
Tamra Rosier:So it's not just about getting angry.
Tamra Rosier:It's about feeling too big of emotions all the time and we don't know what to do with them.
Kate Moore Youssef:Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Kate Moore Youssef:I think that's so well described because I think what you just said then is that we only see the temper, the anger, the big emotions.
Kate Moore Youssef:But sometimes, like you say, it's.
Kate Moore Youssef:It's hard to maybe articulate what's going on.
Kate Moore Youssef:It's hard for us to recognize when we are about to lose control.
Kate Moore Youssef:Yeah.
Kate Moore Youssef:I mean, I see it with my daughter.
Kate Moore Youssef:So my.
Kate Moore Youssef:I've got a daughter who's seven, and.
Kate Moore Youssef:And she's not diagnosed, but I have a feeling it's there because her emotional regulation and it's.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I've got another daughter who is diagnosed who doesn't have that same issue.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I know you talk about in your book that no adhd, you know, all looks the same.
Kate Moore Youssef:Everything's different.
Kate Moore Youssef:My ADHD looks different to them, and I look different to my brothers.
Kate Moore Youssef:And so there's a lot of ADHD going on.
Kate Moore Youssef:But we all quite.
Kate Moore Youssef:It manifests quite differently within us all.
Kate Moore Youssef:But my daughter's emotional reckoning, she can literally go from like 0 to 90, exactly 20, not even 20 seconds.
Kate Moore Youssef:And my husband finds it really hard to deal with because she'll be coloring and in two seconds, like, her frustration levels will just go out of control and she'll have kicked the chair, thrown her Pens everywhere, slammed the door, the door will have broken.
Kate Moore Youssef:And this is, it's just like a 30 second snapshot.
Kate Moore Youssef:And.
Kate Moore Youssef:And my husband's just like, oh my God, like, what the hell has just happened?
Tamra Rosier:Right.
Tamra Rosier:Well, in your husband sounds like he might be neurotypical, someone without adhd.
Tamra Rosier:And so he's like, excuse me, Kate, can you help me understand what just happened?
Tamra Rosier:And is our daughter possessed?
Kate Moore Youssef:Yeah.
Kate Moore Youssef:Yes.
Kate Moore Youssef:So, yeah, he, he's seen it, but then she can rein it in quite quickly and.
Tamra Rosier:And then the fast rebounder.
Kate Moore Youssef:Yes.
Kate Moore Youssef:Yeah.
Kate Moore Youssef:And again, I'm just thinking about myself today.
Kate Moore Youssef:One of my other do.
Kate Moore Youssef:I've got four kids.
Kate Moore Youssef:And so I, you'll hear me always bringing different circumstances in.
Kate Moore Youssef:I was racing out the door, I had a packed schedule.
Kate Moore Youssef:So in my mind I'd already.
Kate Moore Youssef:And again, referring back to your mental rehearsal in the morning.
Kate Moore Youssef:I'd already gone through my schedule and I knew it was unnecessarily back to back.
Kate Moore Youssef:I'd squeezed stuff in because I'd had a holiday and I thought I better try and catch up.
Kate Moore Youssef:So I was already like on the back foot, nervous about my busy schedule, which I don't normally do.
Kate Moore Youssef:I normally am better with my schedule racing out the door.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I knew I had to take the dog for a walk.
Kate Moore Youssef:And my AirPods, I like to listen to music or a podcast, weren't there.
Kate Moore Youssef:They were missing.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I knew straight away what happened.
Kate Moore Youssef:My eldest daughter had taken them because she had AirPods had broken.
Kate Moore Youssef:So already in my head I was like, where my AirPods get the dog, get the shoes?
Kate Moore Youssef:And we left.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I was so disappointed with myself that I should know better to.
Kate Moore Youssef:I was in complete reactive state and got in the car and I started my day already with my, like, my heart pounding.
Kate Moore Youssef:I'd lost my temper, I was impatient and that frustrated me because I, I do know better.
Tamra Rosier:But I, but, but, Kate, Those were your AirPods, so if anything is worth losing your temper over.
Tamra Rosier:No, just joking.
Tamra Rosier:But she.
Kate Moore Youssef:And the funny thing is, is I knew what she'd done.
Kate Moore Youssef:Like, I knew exactly what she was complaining that she'd lost hers or they weren't working and she'd grabbed mine because they were on the side.
Kate Moore Youssef:And, and so she knew full well.
Kate Moore Youssef:So that anger was there, but I just didn't want to start my day like that.
Kate Moore Youssef:And that's the emotional regulation side that despite doing lots of work myself and using lots of tools, it can just creep up and it can, you know, and, and now I recognize, okay, I've kind of Gone into the acceptance mode.
Kate Moore Youssef:I've forgiven myself.
Kate Moore Youssef:I've shown myself compassion.
Kate Moore Youssef:Like, I kind of know that the drill, right?
Kate Moore Youssef:But it still happens.
Tamra Rosier:Well, and it's still exhausting.
Tamra Rosier:Yeah, that's the thing.
Tamra Rosier:I mean, these big emotions, again, I'm not saying we can't get rid of them.
Tamra Rosier:I think it's part of how we're made.
Tamra Rosier:You know, my emotions get tamped down a little bit when I'm medicated, but they're still there.
Tamra Rosier:And it's just this big pool of big emotions that I can trip and fall into my pool at any time.
Tamra Rosier:And frankly, you know, sometimes I'm really embarrassed by my big emotions.
Tamra Rosier:I cry very easily, and if anyone knows me, they know that I'd rather not be that vulnerable all the time.
Tamra Rosier:But if I'm at a baptism, a wedding, I mean, happy things, I'll cry.
Tamra Rosier:If a friend tells me that they're having a baby, and I'll cry over that.
Tamra Rosier:I literally can feel the swell of joyful emotions.
Tamra Rosier:That's just as embarrassing to me sometimes as my anger and frustration, really.
Kate Moore Youssef:So I see that it's beautiful and empathic, and sometimes, I mean, that is a very touching thing to do.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I agree with you.
Kate Moore Youssef:I'm very similar.
Kate Moore Youssef:I will cry very easily, but actually more with happy stuff and watching tv, and I'll cry.
Kate Moore Youssef:But when it comes to something really catastrophic, it's almost like it goes the other way.
Kate Moore Youssef:Like what you mentioned.
Kate Moore Youssef:It's just.
Kate Moore Youssef:I'm almost kind of, like, numbed.
Kate Moore Youssef:I don't even know what to do.
Tamra Rosier:Well, because my brain goes, whoa.
Tamra Rosier:Too big.
Tamra Rosier:Shut down.
Kate Moore Youssef:Yeah.
Tamra Rosier:And so these big emotions, this.
Tamra Rosier:I think this is the starting place where we should be talking about adhd.
Tamra Rosier:Everyone's so hooked on how can we get Tamara to focus more?
Tamra Rosier:How can we get Tamara to do her schedule better?
Tamra Rosier:Instead, we really need to focus.
Tamra Rosier:How do we get Tamara to regulate her emotions?
Tamra Rosier:And honestly, by regulate, I mean just admit we have big emotions and notice how close I'm getting to the big emotions and trying to be able to regulate so that I don't fall into that big pool of emotions.
Tamra Rosier:Right?
Kate Moore Youssef:Yeah.
Tamra Rosier:And it's not.
Tamra Rosier:It's not a bad thing.
Tamra Rosier:And I want to point out to your listeners, this isn't bad.
Tamra Rosier:It's the intensity.
Tamra Rosier:There's a lot of times I go through my ADHD life and I realize my emotions are at a 9 or 10 and one, that's exhausting.
Tamra Rosier:Two, I think the neurotypicals around us go, oh, well, that's a happy emotion.
Tamra Rosier:And I guess that's nice.
Tamra Rosier:Okay.
Tamra Rosier:And it's almost like they say, could you feel that at a 7 though, instead of a 10?
Kate Moore Youssef:Yeah.
Kate Moore Youssef:I think what you touched on, it is exhausting.
Kate Moore Youssef:And you know, for me, I definitely, I resonate with the overwhelm.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I know a lot of my clients, you know, we've, they come to me and the first thing they talk about is just, I'm just so overwhelmed and you know, a compounding layer of lots of different small things that maybe neurotypicals just tick off their to do list for us.
Kate Moore Youssef:It's big and it's big emotions and it's very energy sapping, it's draining, it's exhausting.
Kate Moore Youssef:But what I wanted to ask you about, I've just got a list here, I'm just reading on my list because there's lots of things that I wanted to ask you about.
Kate Moore Youssef:But maybe we could just go back to the prefrontal cortex Butler.
Kate Moore Youssef:Because I really like this analogy of how you explain what this is.
Kate Moore Youssef:And so I don't, you don't have to go into the whole sort of neuroscience, but if you could give us a little snapshot of what you mean by the butler and what we're missing, I guess in the, in a bit of our brain.
Tamra Rosier:Yeah.
Tamra Rosier:You know, it's funny, the first time I used this metaphor, I was talking to, I think she was around nine years old.
Tamra Rosier:And I was trying to explain ADHD to her because she's a smart nine year old girl.
Tamra Rosier:And so I said to her, you know, I bet you see this mommy, her mommy didn't have adhd.
Tamra Rosier:And I said, you know, in your mommy's brain she has this butler.
Tamra Rosier:So the child and I started to play like what we thought a butler might say.
Tamra Rosier:And by the way, let's be clear, neither of us have a butler.
Tamra Rosier:We just have watched enough tv, maybe BBC kind of TV to tell us what we think a butler is.
Tamra Rosier:Yeah, but my little head, I think a butler is just kind of attending to me to say, excuse me, your AirPods are on the counter, or don't worry ma'am, I'm going to get your AirPods back.
Tamra Rosier:You'll just need to wait a moment.
Tamra Rosier:You know, it's this calming voice that is directing my attention and directing my emotions.
Tamra Rosier:And it's a very calm voice.
Tamra Rosier:And so with this child, we were pretending to, you know what our, the mommy's butler sounded like.
Tamra Rosier:And the child was absolutely hilarious.
Tamra Rosier:She's like.
Tamra Rosier:I said, so what do you think your mom's butler says, don't worry, she's going to remember to put her bike away, you know, so the butler says this.
Tamra Rosier:And as you guessed this and your listeners guessed, we don't have a butler.
Tamra Rosier:I say mine really left town and is not ever returning.
Tamra Rosier:And so we have the version of an angry neighbor.
Tamra Rosier:And if you would imagine again taken from TV, I watched too much TV as a child in the 70s and 80s.
Tamra Rosier:But if you could imagine this curmudgeon of a human and just standing on the property line screaming over to you, shaking his shoes, saying why hi.
Tamra Rosier:And threatening to throw his shoe at you.
Tamra Rosier:He's doing obscene gestures, I'm sure.
Tamra Rosier:And all of this is to try to get you to behave.
Tamra Rosier:And so when we have adhd, the angry neighbor is really kind of how our emotions work to try to get us to behave.
Tamra Rosier:Does the angry neighbor technique work?
Tamra Rosier:Of course not.
Tamra Rosier:Does every ADHD person I've ever known try to use it?
Tamra Rosier:Yes.
Tamra Rosier:And that's just because that's how our brain is set up.
Kate Moore Youssef:Yeah, I like that.
Kate Moore Youssef:And it's the prefrontal cortex, isn't it, that this is where it's all happening?
Tamra Rosier:Yes.
Kate Moore Youssef:Why is it all happening in that area of our brain?
Tamra Rosier:Well, the prefrontal cortex is like the butler.
Tamra Rosier:And so the butler is the calm part saying, please direct your attention here.
Tamra Rosier:Emotions, we don't need you quite now.
Tamra Rosier:And so when we don't have reliable access to the butler, then we go back to the limbic center where the angry neighbor is.
Tamra Rosier:And that angry neighbor gets our attention by screaming at us.
Tamra Rosier:And so that's why we actually have problems with emotional regulation.
Tamra Rosier:It's because the butler just isn't there to help us out.
Kate Moore Youssef:And so the reason why I wanted to bring this up is because I think it's so important that people understand the neuro science behind it.
Kate Moore Youssef:They actually understand that this is the way our brain, hence the reason why, you know, you've named the book and what you did, because so many of us have lived our lives in shame thinking that we have personality defects, you know, flaws with bad people.
Kate Moore Youssef:We, we've been called lots of different things, you know, growing up from parents, siblings, friends that we have conditioned ourselves to, you know, that we are, you know, there's something wrong with us.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I genuinely, you know, growing up I did the emotional regulation side.
Kate Moore Youssef:I didn't feel as much, but I think more my.
Kate Moore Youssef:The way just the overwhelm kicked in and things like that, I just couldn't work out why I was who I was and I just needed fixing, I was like, just needs fixing and then I'll be fine.
Kate Moore Youssef:And then as soon as I had this diagnosis and I know so many women who get this, you know, this epiphany when it's they realize it's adhd, they get the diagnosis, this half grief, half relief of, you know, finally there's something that medically there's an explanation.
Kate Moore Youssef:It's not my personality.
Kate Moore Youssef:So when we explain about the butler and the angry neighbor, this is all going on in our brain.
Kate Moore Youssef:So we can't fix the adhd, but we can learn fantastic supportive tools and practical strategies to help us.
Kate Moore Youssef:So living in a busy household where I'm constantly switching tasks, which we all know isn't that easy for the ADHD brain, I've recently been using a new tool to help me focus and concentrate while getting my work done.
Kate Moore Youssef:I came across Brain FM after someone else with ADHD recommended it to me and wow, I'm so glad I discovered it.
Kate Moore Youssef:I'm hooked and I'm using it pretty much every day now for various situations.
Kate Moore Youssef:Brain FM has access to over a thousand tracks across a wide range of different music genres and nature soundscapes, all specifically designed to help you focus, sleep, relax and meditate.
Kate Moore Youssef:I've recently used the different soundscapes to relax on a plane, train and cab, as well as choosing an hour long relaxed track while having some very much needed reflexology.
Kate Moore Youssef:I've also used it to help me meditate and focus on my breath.
Kate Moore Youssef:And if you are anything like me, I can get easily distracted by outside noises.
Kate Moore Youssef:And having the Brain FM app on my phone is a quick option to help me do what I want to do distraction free.
Kate Moore Youssef:But here's the best bit if you're interested in the neuroscience like me, Brain FM has based all their chosen tracks on neuroscience and psychology so you can discover the perfect music for your brain by personalizing science based features like neural effect and music complexity.
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Kate Moore Youssef:I love your book because you first of all acknowledge what's going on.
Kate Moore Youssef:You lay out, I love your stories, you bring, you know, fantastic examples of yourself or clients and then you give us either in black and white tools or you give us fantastic working strategies through the day.
Kate Moore Youssef:And one of them I love, and that's something that I'm been really, is really open my eyes is living on the grid.
Tamra Rosier:Oh, fantastic.
Tamra Rosier:Thank you.
Kate Moore Youssef:Because this living on the grid, which I'm going to allow you to explain, it was like, oh my God, why did I not, why could I not see this before?
Kate Moore Youssef:And it made open my eyes and it's made me recognize, you know, certain tasks.
Kate Moore Youssef:So before I start talking about it, can you explain sort of relatively simply how you came up with this, you know, notion and what it's all about?
Tamra Rosier:You know, I came up with this actually while I was talking with a client.
Tamra Rosier:He couldn't figure out why he couldn't muster up the energy to do things.
Tamra Rosier:And because he was a business major and business majors love the four quadrants.
Tamra Rosier:You know, if you're a business major, you put everything in a four quadrant kind of thing.
Tamra Rosier:I drew a quick, I drew the first solvent grid and said, I need you to think of it like this.
Tamra Rosier:And then it really started to make sense for him and then he really kept referring back to it.
Tamra Rosier:And so that's how I came up with it.
Tamra Rosier:So we're going to ask your listeners to kind of picture things in their brain.
Tamra Rosier:And if you don't get it, I'll send Kate an illustration to put on her show notes so no one has to get frustrated right now.
Tamra Rosier:How's that?
Kate Moore Youssef:Brilliant.
Tamra Rosier:Okay, so imagine a horizontal line and it's a continuum.
Tamra Rosier:And on the left hand side we put not fun and the right hand side we put fun.
Tamra Rosier:And Kate, I'm watching your face to go, yes, this makes sense or no.
Tamra Rosier:Okay, yeah.
Tamra Rosier:And so we're going to dissect that line.
Tamra Rosier:So we have not fun and then fun, but then when we dissect the line to make the four quadrants, we have the emotional volume control.
Tamra Rosier:And so we have, you know, in the book, I kind of call it something a little bit more sophisticated, emotional stimuli, but really it's the amount of emotional energy we're putting to that task.
Tamra Rosier:And so if you at the bottom of that grid, it's low.
Tamra Rosier:Remember, this is the vertical line, and then at the top it's quite high.
Tamra Rosier:Kate does that.
Kate Moore Youssef:Yeah.
Tamra Rosier:You've seen the grid, so that's not quite fair.
Tamra Rosier:Yeah.
Tamra Rosier:But does that make sense?
Kate Moore Youssef:It does make sense.
Kate Moore Youssef:And using my ADHD brain, I'm thinking of my listeners.
Kate Moore Youssef:It is hard to picture it.
Kate Moore Youssef:And then also concentrate and probably the next bit.
Kate Moore Youssef:So maybe what I might do, because I think it's important that people understand why I found it so useful.
Kate Moore Youssef:But would you be able to explain why we expend energy on things that we don't want to do, but sort of play in our mind, and then we.
Kate Moore Youssef:We use sort of this boundless energy to do the things that we want to do and how we kind of balance it all together?
Kate Moore Youssef:I think that's what I'm trying to say.
Tamra Rosier:Yeah, absolutely.
Tamra Rosier:And so really, we have a problem with energy ADHD people.
Tamra Rosier:We have a ton of energy, it seems, and we are very careless with our energy.
Tamra Rosier:In fact, I have, especially since writing this book, I've really done some work in my own life and thought, tamara, you need to be an energy miser.
Tamra Rosier:And so this is what I mean by being an energy miser.
Tamra Rosier:Let's say I have to do some billing for my practice.
Tamra Rosier:Right.
Tamra Rosier:Well, who on earth would find that fun?
Tamra Rosier:So that's in the not fun category, and I certainly don't have any good feelings about it.
Tamra Rosier:So it's low emotional stimulus there.
Tamra Rosier:And so we call that the yellow quadrant, by the way.
Tamra Rosier:Again, look at the show notes.
Tamra Rosier:But I have no reason to do it.
Tamra Rosier:It's not fun and it's not interesting.
Tamra Rosier:And so I'm going to play a little bit of a game with that.
Tamra Rosier:I'm going to think, well, when is the last possible moment I could get it done?
Tamra Rosier:And, you know, in billing, if you run your own practice, you know that there's really not a last moment.
Tamra Rosier:And so that's where the angry neighbor starts to click and say, you know, Tamara, if you were a real professional, you know, you'd do this.
Tamra Rosier:And that angry neighbor is slowly turning up the energy going, hey, hey.
Tamra Rosier:Until it crosses into the next quadrant and that's red.
Tamra Rosier:So it's still not fun.
Tamra Rosier:But now I'm either angry at myself, I'm shaming myself.
Tamra Rosier:I worked up some kind of anger towards someone else who knows what's happening or what I had to do, but somehow I turned up the energy in order to get something done.
Kate Moore Youssef:So that I think a lot of people can relate to is when they procrastinate and they leave it to the very last minute.
Kate Moore Youssef:And then the cortisol and the adrenaline pushes them over the finishing line.
Kate Moore Youssef:So they pull an all nighter.
Kate Moore Youssef:You know, they're handing in a dissertation or a project, whatever that is, they do it, they cram it, the hyper focus.
Kate Moore Youssef:But then the next day or two days later, they just, they can't move.
Kate Moore Youssef:Their energy is completely gone.
Kate Moore Youssef:They get sick, they, they've got low mood.
Kate Moore Youssef:So am I right in saying that this is, that's kind of the path?
Tamra Rosier:So then on the grid in the other side, we've wasted all this energy now.
Tamra Rosier:So now we're back down to low energy.
Tamra Rosier:But then we're like, well, I deserve some fun.
Tamra Rosier:And we'll flop to the other side of the grid in the quadrant I call blue.
Tamra Rosier:And that's where we don't want to do anything.
Tamra Rosier:And we tell ourselves, you know what, it's okay, Tamara, you worked really hard, you burned through all that.
Tamra Rosier:Cortisol is exactly the right word here, right?
Tamra Rosier:Our whole adrenal system is exhausted and so we waste a lot of time the next day at work.
Tamra Rosier:And so that's why some of us with adhd, we have our on days, we have our off days.
Tamra Rosier:And really what the whole grid is about is let's just analyze our energy expenditure.
Tamra Rosier:And we're never going to nail this, right Kate?
Tamra Rosier:But at least we can do it on purpose.
Tamra Rosier:And so I know that Wednesday is going to be a very busy day for me.
Tamra Rosier:And I've already done rehearsal for Wednesday today because I'm really prepping, right?
Tamra Rosier:I'm going to have to be really on and I'm going to say to myself, look, you have a lot of the not fun activities to do and you might have some surprises along the way, but just be a grown up the whole day, right?
Tamra Rosier:But then already at night I'm like, go ahead and flop to the other side of the grid.
Tamra Rosier:Past 7:00, you don't have to do anything.
Tamra Rosier:You can go into that rest zone.
Tamra Rosier:So at least I'm doing it purposefully.
Tamra Rosier:Knowing I will be out of energy and to flop it back to the other side.
Tamra Rosier:So the grid is really about seeing where we spend our energy and learning to manage the grid.
Tamra Rosier:It's not, by the way, we're never trying to get things perfect or nailed in.
Tamra Rosier:Right?
Tamra Rosier:Or just try to try to see it and acknowledge it.
Kate Moore Youssef:I think it's important.
Kate Moore Youssef:What you're saying is that I speak to a lot of my clients about just diary management, of trying to stay off that red zone and being really conscious and intentional with the amount of meetings you book in, what you commit to your boundaries.
Kate Moore Youssef:If you've got a buffer, you know, I'm a huge fan of like buffers between meetings.
Kate Moore Youssef:I've got time to eat, have a walk around, do some breath, work.
Tamra Rosier:Oh, I love that.
Tamra Rosier:I love that.
Tamra Rosier:Because that's what we compromise.
Tamra Rosier:We compromise who we really want to be.
Tamra Rosier:Like, we don't want to be that crazy screaming mom in the parking lot, right?
Tamra Rosier:We don't want to be that person.
Tamra Rosier:And so it takes a lot of planning to be that person.
Tamra Rosier:You know, something else you said though, that hit me.
Tamra Rosier:It's not just avoiding the people pleasing, managing our rejection sensitivity, but it's also actually remembering that things take time.
Tamra Rosier:That's where, frankly, I'll forget to give myself bio breaks, right?
Tamra Rosier:I forget that I'm a human and I need to eat, use the restroom.
Tamra Rosier:I forget.
Tamra Rosier:And don't even get me started on travel time.
Tamra Rosier:You know, somehow I think I'm on Star Trek and I can just beam myself in a different place.
Tamra Rosier:Years and years I should be working on this, and yet my brain literally forgets that those things take time.
Kate Moore Youssef:Yeah, definitely.
Kate Moore Youssef:And that's why we have to, I think, keep checking back in with ourselves because we can either live in this perpetual state of frenzy and stress and, and that red, that red quadrant where things do get done but at the expense of our health.
Kate Moore Youssef:And like, you know, the stress that we live under in that quadrant has to be short term.
Kate Moore Youssef:It can't be long term because that's when I do see the knock on effect of, you know, chronic pain and inflammation and autoimmune problems and depression.
Kate Moore Youssef:And it really, it's quite a serious thing that we think we kind of, you know, with adhd, if we just cram, everything will fine.
Kate Moore Youssef:But you can't live like that.
Kate Moore Youssef:It's just not, you know, I just.
Tamra Rosier:So love your approach and I so appreciate how common sense you are because you're not saying, hey, we need to be the most productive.
Tamra Rosier:We can be because we have these beautiful minds that can create unattainable productivity.
Tamra Rosier:But you're also, and this is where I really appreciate you're accepting ADHD and not say, hey, I want to always be careful with my clients to say, this is not a gift.
Tamra Rosier:ADHD is a harder way to live in our modern world.
Tamra Rosier:And every day, you know, when I do interviews, I work with people who aren't ADHD professionals like yourself, who are like, yes, but Tamara, doesn't ADHD have strengths?
Tamra Rosier:And I say only, we only have strengths when we're really managing the weaknesses.
Tamra Rosier:And that takes a lot of work and it's exhausting.
Tamra Rosier:And so imagine a superpower that you could use for 20 seconds a day and then had to take two days to restore that power.
Tamra Rosier:That's how exhausting it is.
Kate Moore Youssef:Yeah.
Tamra Rosier:So I love that you, you're approaching this like, yes, let's admit we have adhd.
Tamra Rosier:Let's also say that it's harder to be us in a modern world.
Kate Moore Youssef:Yeah.
Kate Moore Youssef:And that's 100%.
Kate Moore Youssef:That is the approach.
Kate Moore Youssef:Because I think that's the acceptance I've had to come to through lots of convoluted ways of not quite knowing until I got my diagnosis.
Kate Moore Youssef:But I think that's when I've definitely leaned into well, being and changing my lifestyle and managing my lifestyle and making that a daily choice.
Kate Moore Youssef:Because yes, I have great aspirations and ambitions, but do I want that to be at the detriment to my health and my family?
Kate Moore Youssef:For me, no.
Kate Moore Youssef:There's many women I speak to who've chosen not to actively chose not to have children who have actively chased their professional career and that's been of huge importance and worth to them.
Kate Moore Youssef:But they still have the same level of exhaustion because it's not sustainable.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I wish I could turn around and say, yes, of course you can do, do it and you can be that person.
Kate Moore Youssef:But something inevitably has to give.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I do see it with ADHD women that it is often our emotional well being or mental health, which for me, I think that's kind of the pocket of support that I want to offer people because it's hard having lots of ideas and being creative and ambitious and forward thinking.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I do think they are strengths for adhd.
Kate Moore Youssef:Like, we can see things in a big picture, we can see things work and succeed, but then when we have to break it down and we see and then, and then we kind of go, okay, right, I either need to delegate, I need to get some serious help, or this is just going to be too much.
Kate Moore Youssef:And sadly, I can't do it.
Tamra Rosier:Well, and don't forget, you know that butler we talked about, that butler likes to sequence things for us.
Tamra Rosier:And if we don't have reliable access to our butler who puts things in order, we have these big ideas from the angry neighbor shouting them, but we don't have the butler to actually help us carry it out.
Tamra Rosier:And that's where the people with whom we work and ourselves get so frustrated.
Kate Moore Youssef:Yeah, I mean, I thank God for my assistant every day.
Kate Moore Youssef:Genuinely.
Kate Moore Youssef:Like, I can't believe how lucky I am to have found someone that listens to my witterings on Voxer where I use this thing where I just send.
Kate Moore Youssef:I'd go, you don't need to listen to this till tomorrow morning.
Kate Moore Youssef:But because it's in my head, I just have to get it out.
Kate Moore Youssef:I'm so.
Kate Moore Youssef:It's like 9:00 at night.
Kate Moore Youssef:So unprofessional.
Kate Moore Youssef:But if I don't get out, I'll either forget it or I'll lie in bed awake going, I just, I need to get it out.
Kate Moore Youssef:And so I genuinely.
Kate Moore Youssef:She is, I guess she is my butler because she helps me do the sequencing and put things together for me.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I didn't have that, you know, 18 months ago and I was, I was so much more overwhelmed in life.
Kate Moore Youssef:But I guess I'm privileged in the respect that in my business now I can afford to have someone to help me and not everyone can, so I'm aware of that as well.
Tamra Rosier:I actually, I have one child who does not have ADHD, out of the four, and she's 20 years old, she's in college and guess what?
Tamra Rosier:She needed a job.
Tamra Rosier:And she's a very detailed together young woman.
Tamra Rosier:Again, neurotypical.
Tamra Rosier:And so I hired her to be my administrative assistant and I hire her six hours a week.
Tamra Rosier:And I have to tell you the joke.
Tamra Rosier:In our family, I pay her for six, but she saves me 12 because my business changed when I hired her to do six weeks or six hours.
Tamra Rosier:Because those six hours are the mundane kind of butler tasks that are just like pure magic to me.
Tamra Rosier:I mean, it's like I, I would like.
Tamra Rosier:Well, I don't have a butler.
Tamra Rosier:Maybe I have a magician.
Tamra Rosier:Like I'm trying to concoct some way to do this boring stuff.
Tamra Rosier:And it's really evident the difference between us neurologically.
Kate Moore Youssef:Wow, that's so fascinating and I'm so.
Tamra Rosier:Grateful for her and her patients, frankly.
Kate Moore Youssef:Wow, what a great idea.
Kate Moore Youssef:That's so resourceful as well, isn't it.
Kate Moore Youssef:You know, you noticed that.
Kate Moore Youssef:You noticed that she needed a job, you needed help.
Kate Moore Youssef:She's got the right brain to help you with that mundane stuff.
Tamra Rosier:Well, you know, when I brought the idea to her, her response was, hey, mom, let's face it.
Tamra Rosier:I've been doing this for you all through.
Tamra Rosier:She goes, I think I started in middle school, and it would be true, because we would be driving to soccer practice.
Tamra Rosier:I'd hand her.
Tamra Rosier:Her my phone and say, hey, write these things down for me, or would you look on my calendar to make sure that this is, you know.
Tamra Rosier:And so she was doing that administrative work for me, that butler stuff.
Tamra Rosier:So now, you know, I just made it legit, and we're paying for it.
Kate Moore Youssef:So I love that.
Kate Moore Youssef:I think it's brilliant.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I think you probably sparked a few, like, ideas in people's heads when, you know, they're listening to this now.
Kate Moore Youssef:Oh, I never thought of that.
Tamra Rosier:Well, you know, there's a thing we have in our family, and it's called borrowing someone else's prefrontal cortex.
Tamra Rosier:So this is a responsibility issue.
Tamra Rosier:I don't expect people to be my prefrontal cortex, but I intentionally borrow it.
Tamra Rosier:And so we have a lovely man who married into our family named Adam.
Tamra Rosier:And there's one time I said to Adam, no, I'm catching the train to go to Chicago, but I need to be there.
Tamra Rosier:And there was a time change involved as I traveled west.
Tamra Rosier:And so it was like this little bit of a math problem with time zones.
Tamra Rosier:I said, so you think I'm leaving on time?
Tamra Rosier:Right.
Tamra Rosier:And he looks, and he was brand new into our family.
Tamra Rosier:And he took the question very seriously, thought with me, and said, yes, I think you're going to be leaving on time.
Tamra Rosier:And then his wife laughed and said, she just borrowed your prefrontal cortex.
Tamra Rosier:The people I work with, I say, go ahead and borrow their prefrontal cortex.
Tamra Rosier:Go ahead and borrow that, but take responsibility.
Tamra Rosier:Don't make people do your thinking, but just borrow it and then return it.
Tamra Rosier:And that's a difference of kind of people going, just think through this for me.
Tamra Rosier:I don't want to have to do the work.
Tamra Rosier:Instead, I say, just borrow their prefrontal cortex to check your work.
Kate Moore Youssef:I love that.
Kate Moore Youssef:What a brilliant reframe everything that you've talked about in the book.
Kate Moore Youssef:There's not one chapter that I don't think people wouldn't resonate with in some way.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I think the way you've written it, it's so I'm not belittling it, it's simple, but it's very important, you know, information.
Kate Moore Youssef:So I just want to thank you very much for giving it, for letting me read it and have the opportunity to digest it for myself and then I can sort of relay it back to clients in, in different ways.
Kate Moore Youssef:But just before we go.
Kate Moore Youssef:And this is something that I've not actually spoken about in a, in a huge way on the podcast yet, but it's something that I'm building up to, is that one of the things that you've written about is, is how important sleep is.
Kate Moore Youssef:And it's towards the end of the book and, you know, listen, I've got notes here about asking you about boundaries and all sorts of different things, but I've spoken about boundaries before on the podcast.
Kate Moore Youssef:Sleep is such a huge part of managing our adhd.
Kate Moore Youssef:And sometimes, you know, we can find it hard to get ourselves to bed, like put ourselves to bed and have the right amount of sleep.
Kate Moore Youssef:Why did you find it so important to have sleep as it was almost like a non negotiable, isn't it?
Kate Moore Youssef:Sort of, you're up there with your, if you had any advice to give anyone, it would be like, try and get a good night's sleep.
Tamra Rosier:So this, I mean, this is so difficult.
Tamra Rosier:And so now let's speak specifically for women and sleep, right?
Tamra Rosier:And you even said, look, I want to be the wife and mother who I want to be to these people who, whom I love so much.
Tamra Rosier:And then you're at the end of your day, you're like, well, what about a little Kate time?
Tamra Rosier:Doesn't Kate get any time?
Tamra Rosier:And so then the little elf in your brain is popping up going, yes.
Tamra Rosier:And it's between 1am and 3am that's okay.
Tamra Rosier:The kids don't wake up till 6.
Tamra Rosier:And so we kind of lie to ourselves about that.
Tamra Rosier:And I see women doing that the most of going, well, I have to stay up.
Tamra Rosier:If I can just fold laundry and listen to a podcast by myself without anyone demanding anything, I feel better.
Tamra Rosier:And so a lot of times women will rob themselves of sleep.
Tamra Rosier:But the big problem is this.
Tamra Rosier:Our sleep cycles are reversed when we have adhd.
Tamra Rosier:So if you're neurotypical, you get your deep cleansing cycle within the first two sleep cycles.
Tamra Rosier:Oh, no, not for us.
Tamra Rosier:We have to wait till the third sleep cycle before we go through that deep cleansing.
Tamra Rosier:And the deep cleansing is actually we're finding more and more out about sleep.
Tamra Rosier:It really is a cleaning cycle for the brain.
Tamra Rosier:And so if we don't get the full Eight to nine hours.
Tamra Rosier:Yup.
Tamra Rosier:Nine hours might be the thing.
Tamra Rosier:We will look much more ADHD than we are.
Tamra Rosier:Let's go right back to emotional regulation because that's out the window, my friends.
Tamra Rosier:And so it's very difficult.
Tamra Rosier:I work with many women who are menopausal and hormones really mess up our sleep cycle.
Tamra Rosier:Right.
Tamra Rosier:And so now we have a reverse sleep cycle that's we're waking at different times.
Tamra Rosier:And so if we're going to work on anything, it's sleep.
Tamra Rosier:And you know how I said I was an energy miser?
Tamra Rosier:I'm going to sound like a real fun person to live with.
Tamra Rosier:I'm also a sleep hoarder, which means my kids were home.
Tamra Rosier:Mom went off duty at 9, 8, 9pm, not 9am, 9pm And I would take emergency phone calls and phone calls being kind of the euphemism.
Tamra Rosier:They were right down the hall, you know, until 11, like, hey, you know, I just broke up with my boyfriend.
Tamra Rosier:That kind of drama.
Tamra Rosier:Otherwise past that time you had to actually be bleeding or something really uncommon happening to you to wake me up.
Tamra Rosier:And I modeled that for my kids, almost being kind of, hey, I don't function the next day.
Tamra Rosier:And literally, Kate, I will have swollen glands, I will feel sick if I don't get that cleaning cycle.
Kate Moore Youssef:Yeah.
Kate Moore Youssef:It's so interesting when you talk about the cleaning cycle because I'd read about this before that these, the protons, the proteins, they have an impact on sort of like Alzheimer's and dementia.
Kate Moore Youssef:And this is, it's similar, this cleaning cycle.
Kate Moore Youssef:Sleep is so important to our brain.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I'm, I'm one of those people that once my eldest kid goes to bed, it's quarter to 10, you know, by the time they, you know, I've cleaned the kitchen, kitchen, you know, I've probably sitting on the couch by about 9.
Kate Moore Youssef:My husband likes to go to bed early, so 10 o'clock he likes to go to bed because he wakes up super early.
Kate Moore Youssef:I've not even relaxed by 10 o'clock, you know, exactly.
Kate Moore Youssef:I'm, I'm just, just getting into a TV program and he's like, I'm going to bed.
Kate Moore Youssef:So I have this kind of like, you know, conundrum.
Kate Moore Youssef: ime I get to sleep, it's like: Kate Moore Youssef:And I know I've got to be up in the morning so this happens most nights, but I have to.
Kate Moore Youssef:There's some internal discipline that I know that I.
Kate Moore Youssef:I need my sleep the same as you.
Kate Moore Youssef:That if I don't get those, I would say not nine, but definitely eight.
Kate Moore Youssef:I work at my optimum, so it's.
Tamra Rosier:It's.
Kate Moore Youssef:I kind of think it's not forever, though, is it?
Kate Moore Youssef:Our kids.
Kate Moore Youssef:Ages change.
Tamra Rosier:Well, you are in the busiest time of your life, right?
Tamra Rosier:I'm an empty nester, so I just have three furry preschoolers.
Tamra Rosier:They're dogs that are taking my attention.
Tamra Rosier:Otherwise, all my kids are in their twenties, safely into their twenties.
Tamra Rosier:I say, because, whoo, right, I made it that far.
Tamra Rosier:But you would think, hey, Tamara, there's no excuse now, right?
Tamra Rosier:Except tonight my husband's traveling, and so he's going to be in Chicago.
Tamra Rosier:And I won't have that pace car of, hey, Tam, I'm heading to bed now.
Tamra Rosier:Pace car's gone.
Tamra Rosier:And I have to be very careful because ADHD folks like me, there's like a natural stop sign sign that happens around 3pm in the afternoon.
Tamra Rosier:And we blow right through it.
Tamra Rosier:Okay?
Tamra Rosier:And then, because, I mean, we'll feel tired and then we're like, rally, but we'll rally a little bit too hard.
Tamra Rosier:Then we'll blow through the 7pm stop sign.
Tamra Rosier:And that stop sign usually says, hey, Tamara, you have about three hours left in your day.
Tamra Rosier:What are you going to do?
Tamra Rosier:And by the way, you have to wind down during that time.
Tamra Rosier:But you know what?
Tamra Rosier:I'm still doing stuff at seven, right?
Tamra Rosier:I still think I have wild ideas about what this day can contain at 7pm so instead of my brain saying, whoa, no, no, no, we're just wrapping everything up.
Tamra Rosier:I'm like, you know, I could clean out that closet.
Tamra Rosier:Right?
Tamra Rosier:I think that's the big problem for us.
Tamra Rosier:So even though it's, you know, I don't have children, my brain is still filled with the possibilities of the day.
Tamra Rosier:And so I literally have an alarm that pops up on my phone.
Tamra Rosier:It says, no, seriously, you're gonna wrap up today.
Tamra Rosier:And I have to talk to myself.
Tamra Rosier:No, seriously, you're gonna wrap up today.
Tamra Rosier:And so at 7 now, I've trained myself.
Tamra Rosier:All right, we're heading.
Tamra Rosier:We're heading to the wrap up phase.
Tamra Rosier:Heading to the wrap up phase.
Tamra Rosier:And that helps me reframe everything in my day.
Kate Moore Youssef:That's so helpful.
Kate Moore Youssef:You know, 100.
Kate Moore Youssef:I'm gonna try that.
Kate Moore Youssef:I'm gonna put that on my phone as well, because I find it really hard to wind down.
Kate Moore Youssef:And then when I Finally wind down.
Kate Moore Youssef:I want to relax and watch tv.
Kate Moore Youssef:And then I'm looking at the time and it's like, oh my God, now I've got to go to sleep.
Kate Moore Youssef:Like now I know that sleep's important.
Tamra Rosier:Right?
Tamra Rosier:Right.
Tamra Rosier:So we can't just tell people, we just can't tell women, especially like, okay, go to sleep, get all of your sleep, be a good girl.
Tamra Rosier:Because there's, we don't know how to.
Tamra Rosier:And so a couple of the rules I say is it takes us at least an hour to do a wind down.
Tamra Rosier:And so the wind down again, referring back to that grid we introduced, is an hour of blue time.
Tamra Rosier:It's slow emotion and fun, but it's a slow emotion.
Tamra Rosier:Like we're not watching anything on television that's going to excite us emotionally.
Tamra Rosier:It's just, in fact, I say reruns, redecorating, you know, just the very basic non emotional things because we're just telling our brain, nothing to see here, folks.
Tamra Rosier:We're going to be wrapping this up soon.
Tamra Rosier:But asking women to carve out an hour is very difficult.
Tamra Rosier:And so sometimes when they have younger children, I say, well, you can have a whole family cool down time.
Tamra Rosier:And so a lot of times I help families do it all together.
Kate Moore Youssef:Yeah, that's interesting because I have a bath.
Kate Moore Youssef:That's my thing.
Kate Moore Youssef:So I have a bath and actually my kids will know.
Kate Moore Youssef:I mean, they don't really listen because there's always something that a child needs to tell me.
Kate Moore Youssef:But I'm in the bath, I put my salts, my essential oils, I get my book or, or not.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I tell the kids, I said, I'm, I'm.
Kate Moore Youssef:This is me winding down now.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I put my youngest in the bath.
Kate Moore Youssef:And she, not my bath, in her bath.
Kate Moore Youssef:And she, I said, right, you chill out, you can go watch the iPad for a little bit, you can relax in your pajamas.
Kate Moore Youssef:And I hope that I am modeling to my kids that this time, this kind of diffusing time between lots of energy to maybe having dinner or watching TV is really important because it's like a stepping stone, isn't it?
Kate Moore Youssef:From, from one state to another state.
Kate Moore Youssef:You can't just jump.
Kate Moore Youssef:Yeah, I could.
Kate Moore Youssef:Honestly, I feel, I'm very conscious at the time and I feel like we could have probably did another hour because I think it's just so insightful what you're saying because it's so relatable and I know that lots of people probably take a huge amount from this conversation.
Kate Moore Youssef:So I just want to thank you, Tamra so much for your time.
Kate Moore Youssef:Thank you for your book.
Kate Moore Youssef:Thank you for your expertise.
Kate Moore Youssef:And tell me, how can people, if they want to, I don't know, either work with you or just connect with you.
Kate Moore Youssef:Where's the best place you can go?
Tamra Rosier:To my website, tamaracier.com and there's information on my book, the ADHD center and so on.
Kate Moore Youssef:Fantastic.
Kate Moore Youssef:I'll make sure all that, that information is in the show notes and if we can, we'll try and get some form of illustration or a printout of the page for the the Living on the Grid so people can really see it because I think it's quite a valuable tool.
Kate Moore Youssef:But yeah, thank you, Tamara.
Kate Moore Youssef:I really appreciate you being here and I really hope we can speak again.
Tamra Rosier:Again, Kate, you're a gem.
Tamra Rosier:I will come back anytime you ask.
Tamra Rosier:You are just delightful.
Tamra Rosier:So thank you so much for this.
Kate Moore Youssef:So that's today's episode done.
Kate Moore Youssef:Did what we talk about resonate with you?
Kate Moore Youssef:I really hope you found some takeaways that may inspire you to make some small changes that enhance your daily life.
Kate Moore Youssef:And if you did find this episode inspiration insightful, please do consider sharing it.
Kate Moore Youssef:Knowledge and awareness is power, especially with adhd.
Kate Moore Youssef:You can also head over to the show's Instagram page, which is ADHD Women's well Being Pod, and join the community that's waiting for you there.
Kate Moore Youssef:And if this episode really did strike a chord, please do consider leaving us a review to enable more people who need to hear these conversations find the show.
Kate Moore Youssef:Thanks so much for joining me today and see you next time.
